Hey folks, it's Monday! I'm already exhausted from the weekend, how about you? Today's blog is a bit of a "fluff" post, but it should be amusing anyway. Let's take a look at some of our favorite celebrities, and their connections with the horse world.
Okay, okay, clarification: we're only going to look at celebrities that are A) actually into horses or B) did something good for them. If we list every celebrity that ever mounted a horse and claimed to love it, we're going to have see tons more bimbos like Ms. Spears up there. (Lord, can you imagine any more inappropriate riding clothes? Love the flip-flops, Britney-- now put your heels down.)
Johnny Depp
The-highest paid actor in the world should engage in some philanthropy once in a while! John Christopher Depp II (yep, that's his real name) adopted an Andalusian named "Goldeneye" from the set of Sleepy Hollow. The horse, who played "Gunpowder" in the movie, was scheduled to be euthanized (no idea why). Yay Johnny! You may be close to 50 now, but you're still hot. Let's hope your Lone Ranger movie doesn't get cancelled so you can ride again!
William Shatner
Yep, Captain Kirk the space cowboy really likes horses in real life-- he and his wife Elizabeth breed and show Quarter Horses and Saddlebreds on their 150 acre farm, Belle Reve, in Kentucky. Spend some money on the website, will ya Kirk? It's kind of fugly. The farm helps out with the Central Kentucky Riding for Hope's "Help for Heroes" program. Shatner is also hosting a Hollywood charity event this year centered around horses, the profits going to a ton of great causes. Good for you Captain-- it's clear you're paying attention to the needs of the many!
Sheryl Crow
The world-famous singer looooves horses-- she's given tons of money to various horse-related organizations (mostly of the save-the-mustangs type) and made this video with Viggo Mortensen about stopping the mustang roundups. Well, you know how I feel about that, but her heart's in the right place I guess. She's been criticized for simultaneously advocating horse welfare and performing at rodeos, but I think most reasonable people understand that well-run rodeos aren't cruel.
Willie Nelson
Willie Nelson is one of the coolest people ever. He's an advocate for green biofuel, small farmers and animal welfare. He's adopted several neglected horses and constantly advocates against horse cruelty, including horse slaughter.
Viggo Mortensen
The soft-spoken actor, best known for his role as Aragorn in the Lord of the Rings movies, is a huge horse fan. He rides, advocates for, and published a photography book of, horses! He even bought a horse for a crew member on a LOTR set who might not have been able to have the horse otherwise. Check out this cool video about Viggo's deep connection with horses. Oh, and did you know he speaks 7 languages? Hottest. Actor. Ever.
...okay folks, there are a TON more horse-obsessed celebrities out there, but I'm going to have to wrap things up for today; real world problems are calling. Stay tuned for more celebrities, horses and Kentucky Derby updates! The Derby is May 5th-- have you got your mint julep ingredients ready yet?!
What is on this horse's face, a climbing rope? What keeps it from sliding down its nose and cutting off airflow? I don't know, but apparently Steve Edwards thinks its a good training tool.
I think you all know about how I feel about mustangs from my previous post about 'em. Quick re-cap: a horse living in the wild is a horse with a poor quality of life, and Americans are paying for them to live it. If I turned my horses loose with no reliable sources of food, water, shelter, vet care or farrier work, I'd be arrested for cruelty. Yet somehow, this is okay as long as the horse is labeled a "mustang." Mustangs, by the way, are feral horses (like feral house cats), not a breed.
So then you can imagine how I feel about people who produce tons more of these critters on purpose. Mill Swamp Indian Horses LLC of Smithfield, VA, breeds mustangs. Yes, even though there are literally thousands of homeless mustangs sitting in BLM holding facilities, waiting to be adopted, sometimes ending up at slaughter plants, Steve Edwards apparently feels he needs to make more of them.
Why? Because they're special mustangs! These ones come from North Carolina! Oooo! They mostly look like this four year old filly of his:
Yeah. Nothing spectacular there; this critter screams "fugly" all over. I'm not sure what scares me most, her incredibly upright shoulder, her tiny and steep rump, or her too-long back, which also looks slightly roached. She's available for sale on his website, for $350, and is described as, "very well built for endurance." I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. Oh, and did I mention that, despite the overwhelming American desire for taller horses, he insists on continuing to breed pony-sized ones? I'm sure they'll sell really well. Here's what he has to say on that:
"I ride ponies and I am an adult. I ride ponies and I am a large adult. I ride ponies and I ride them long and hard. I have ridden Holland, a 13 hand Shackleford [mustang], fifty miles in a day on several occassions [sic]."
Yeah, that scrawny horse totally looks comfy, carrying half its body weight. Tell you what Mr. Edwards, let's have you carry around half of your body weight for fifty miles. Anyway, that's not the only idiotic thing he has to say, in my opinion:
"I teach natural horsemanship to students as young as five years old."
Yeah, 'cause that's totally safe and effective. What the hell?!
“We got him [a wild horse] home at 4:15 and he was completely halter trained in 45 minutes. Within twenty four hours he comfortably wore a saddle and took a child on his back."
I am so impressed with his ability to endanger children. And his truthfulness about his training. On the other hand, maybe it IS true: I bet any pony that gets weighed down until the point of exhaustion acts pretty tame. Don't get me wrong, some poniesare built to carry adults; just not these scrawny, badly-conformed guys.
"Distracting arguments over whether or not crops, spurs, laying a horse down, and the use of snaffle bits were inherently cruel have driven too many people away from natural horsemanship."
Yeah, let's just ignore all that distracting morality crap. Who needs to decide what's right and wrong? Bah.
"A few years ago a grainy you tube image of Linda Parelli working a one eyed horse was deceptively used to accuse her of cruelty to the horse. It was a great piece of work that was utterly inaccurately characterized by Parelli opponents."
He's talking about a widely-known video, in which Mrs. Parellia obviously doesn't know what the hell she's doing, and clearly traumatizes the horse. I'd like to post a link to it, but it's mysteriously disappeared off of the internet...
"Mill Swamp Riders do not learn how to win ribbons in the show ring. They do not learn how to sit up straight and demonstrate 'classical riding skills.' Instead they learn how horses think and how to develop real relationships with horses."
Gosh, I didn't know that my horse needs hugs more than she needs a rider who knows that the hell she's doing in the saddle! Thank God. Now I don't have to feel bad when I bounce all over her back. She might be more sore and harder to control, but as long as our "relationship" is good, I can totally skip learning to ride!
Oh, and have I mentioned his "Off Site Breeding Program?" It's designed to save this "special breed" from "extinction." (Clearly Edwards doesn't know that fugly grade horses are quite populous in America.) Anyway, the rules don't say anything about a breed standard, health or conformation, but they do say that a mare should produce at least four foals, that no one can charge a stud fee, that you should register a new mustang foal in threebullshithorse registries, and that owners should show off their critters in every way possible, in order to get publicity for the "breed." Of course, none of the rules are mandatory, because hell, Edwards wouldn't want anyone to have to have standards or anything. Sounds like a backyard breeder's paradise to me! In fact, you can breed to his four stallions if you want to. Including this one:
Yay for more child endangerment!
Edwards justifies his obsession with these scrawny mustangs by saying that they're "rare" and "descended from Spanish horses." Mister, just because there's not many of something, and it has ancestors from somewhere, does not make it valuable. By his logic, I should be able to sell my disfigured rescue llama for a ton of money, because A) there aren't very many llamas around here, much less disfigured ones, and B) it has ancestors from South America.
Anyway, Edwards wanted to prove that his beloved feral horses were descended from Spanish horses, so he took a "team of inspectors" (probably him and his buddies) to look for skeletons of dead mustangs, "...to confirm that the herd was composed of horses that bore the unique vertebra of the original horses of the Spanish colonists." If ever I heard bullshit quack science, that's it right there. There's no difference between the backbone of a Spanish horse and a Quarter Horse. Seriously. Go look up the breed descriptions of Andalusians, Lusitanos and any other Spanish horses you can think of. Arabians sometimes have one less lumbar vertebrae.
Now look: my problem with Edwards is not his passion. Millions of people, including me, become obsessed with rather silly things like reality tv or model trains, and the world keeps turning. My problem is that his hobby directly affects the welfare of living creatures. Breeding badly-conformed ponies just for the sake of having more of them around, when we already have tons of unwanted grade horses (including mustangs) is the very definition of irresponsible breeding. Those animals almost certainly aren't going to stay sound, be competitive in equine sports or find and keep homes easily. His propaganda encourages others to breed more of the same. And not only to breed fugly horses, but to train them with crazy methods in the belief that these "special" horses are somehow as safe as puppies. From his website:
"Steve Edwards gave me the courage to do what most everyone else thought could not be done----ride a wild mustang that I trained myself without any experience or lessons at age 58. He said it could be done, and I believed him."
--Vicki, Goochland, VA
Yeah, because it's a GREAT idea for totally inexperienced people to train wild horses! Go Steve! Yay!
And Edwards isn't just getting satisfaction from his hobby. Nope, he's probably making money from his bullshit, by way of his online classes, training clinics, book sales, dvd sales, stud fees, riding classes, horse tours, adoption fees and charity fund. Oh, and did I mention his stores, with souvenirs like jewelery and t-shirts?
Another round of BLM mustang adoptions started today! You can see a full gallery of available critters here. As I've mentioned before, they have regular round-ups of mustangs in order to keep the population down. Of course, you can also adopt year-round at the BLM's permanent holding facilities.
The available animals are mostly young (ages 1-6) un-handled horses, but there are also mules, burros and green-broke mustangs. Males have all been gelded. The bidding starts at a meager $125 and includes free shipping to one of their adoption centers (locations include OR, CA, WY, NE, OK, MS, TX, KY, AR). You can buy up to four per year.
ZOMG so cute and fluffy!
Some people are less afraid of getting a wild horse than of the adoption process itself-- but it's really not that complicated:
fill out an online form stating you've got good enough facilities (no pics required)
send in a $125 deposit (credit cards accepted) that will be refunded if you don't buy
get a phone call from a BLM worker to review the paperwork
sign a contract stating the following:
"Yes, I will take adequate care of it, I will not turn around and sell it right away, and I understand the horse will still belong to the government for one year, just in case I am a total jerk and they have to seize it for reasons of incredibly obvious neglect."
That's it!
Oh, and you have to bring a halfway decent trailer to pick up the horse. They're not going to try to help you load a wild mustang in a dinky two-horse trailer from the 1970s. Or a mini-van.
Theoretically, there are government guys who go out and randomly inspect a few horses and farms per year to make sure everything is okay-- but I have never heard of this actually happening. There's just no way to enforce any of the regulations involving the adoption and care of mustangs. The laws are there, but not the money, manpower or interest. That's reassuring to people who dislike the big scary government intruding in their lives, and it's disappointing to those who would like to ensure that mustangs don't end up in bad situations.
I'm conflicted when it comes to mustangs. They're an important part of American history, and a proud symbol of our independence. I like the ideal of wild horses roaming picturesque landscapes-- but I also know that actually living in the wilderness means a life that is usually awful, brutal and short. Yeah, wild horses are free-- they're free to starve, die of disease and untreated injuries, or be hunted by wolves and cougars (and sometimes pissed-off cattle ranchers). About 40,000 wild equines aren't really "wild and free" any more anyway-- they're held at long-term holding facilities. (These facilities are either akin to equine concentration camps or horse heaven, depending upon the facility and whom you ask.) The government, and thus we the tax payers, fund the management of these horses to the tune of about $40 million per year -- or about $500 per year, per horse. Why are we paying that much money for these guys to freeze their ears off out west?
See, the BLM has to round up about 12,000 equines per year in order to keep their populations from expanding too far-- and they're usually only able to adopt out 1/3 to 1/4 that number. So the rest have to go... somewhere. Although the BLM denies it, some wild mustangs have even ended up at slaughter plants in the past. The law states that after 10 years of not being adopted, or three public auctions, mustangs can be gotten rid of in any expedient way possible. Combine that with the rather rough round-ups via helicopter, and people are screaming bloody murder. In fact, the BLM has gotten so defensive about people continually confronting them for poor management, cruelty, etc, that they have created a web page specifically to deny these accusations. Again, I'm on the fence here.
Yeah, this video is a bit rough, and I don't like it. However, remember that these are wild horses. Not bunny rabbits, not tame kids' ponies, but wild-freakin'-fightin' mustangs. Hundreds or thousands of them, in one place. How would YOU handle rounding them up? Also remember that some of the scrapes and limps you see here aren't necessarily due to the roundup. Again, these are wild horses. They live in the wild. You know, where bad stuff happens sometimes? Circle of life? Predators, dying young, being beaten up by herd members, etc?
I don't think the BLM is the real badguy here. They're in an impossible situation. With a limited budget, and limited manpower, they're supposed to manage tens of thousands of uncooperative wild horses every year-- and try to please everybody in the process. On one hand, there are hard-hearted bastards who don't like their tax dollars squandered on a bunch of shaggy ponies, and on the other hand, PETA-type people who demand that every animal on God's green earth be tucked into bed each evening with a story and a goodnight kiss.
In addition, "The BLM" is a pretty broad way to name the dozens of different offices, ranches and sub-contractors that make up "the management." If you want to blame someone, blame a holding facilities manager, not "The BLM" as an entire entity. Also, some of the mistreatment of mustangs stems from the fact that when a mustang is on Federal lands, it's protected-- but if it wanders onto state lands, it's treated about the same as a stray dog.
Some people advocate fazing out all mustangs permanently, through gradual chemical sterilization and larger roundups. I'd be okay with that. Basically, we Americans are keeping mustangs around for the sake of symbolism-- and the horses are suffering for it. If I let MY horse loose to run around without consistent sources of food, water, shelter and vet or farrier care, I would be prosecuted for neglect! In the NORMAL horse world, we tend to look down on people who keep dozens of wild, unbroke horses in their backyards-- we call them irresponsible breeders. Why are the standards different with mustangs?! Finally, if mustangs weren't out on the range in the first place, they would have to be subjected to brutal roundups!
Mustangs, by the way, aren't really a breed. They're feral horses, in the same category as stray cats. They come in all shapes and sizes. Their conformation usually isn't very good. Don't get me wrong, they can be great horses. But they're not magical. There's no real difference between the average mustang and the average backyard-bred grade horse. There's no special reason to keep them around, other than nostalgia. Speaking of which, NO, they are not native to North America...
Millions of years ago, North America was home to a species of primitive horse: Pliohippus.
This shaggy, donkey-like critter was about 12 hands high, stocky and heavy-boned. It died out about six million years ago. We're still not sure whether Pliohippus contributed to the genetic makeup of modern horses, but the closest equivalents alive today are north Asian Prezwalski's horses:
Are you looking at these guys? They're built for survival. Their small, compact, fuzzy bodies are designed to hoard maximum calories, on minimum forage. Now check out the modern mustang, descended from Spanish horses brought to North America in the 1500s:
This lanky, 15Hh, long-backed, European-descended mutt has to try to live in the same conditions-- with a body much less well-equipped to do so. They were bred by humans-- and as a result, they're built to serve humans more than they are to survive. When you're bigger, you have to eat more calories to keep going, and you have to burn more calories to stay warm. These guys are no more "native" to North America, or suited to living there, than a dalmatian is native to, or suitable for living in, a North American wolf pack. Is it possible? Sure. Is it going to be pleasant? Nope. Wild horses quite frequently freeze to death, and die of thirst and starvation. It's not that that stuff doesn't happen to the shaggy ponies in their native habitats; it's just that it happens to mustangs more often, because they are the wrong kind of critter in the wrong place.
If we MUST have feral horses out west, I'd like to see is something closer to a Busch Gardens approach, but government-supported. Yeah, let's keep some mustangs around-- but let's keep a lot fewer of them, in much nicer habitats, in a more accessible place for the public, and do so in a way that makes money rather than spends it in gobs. Wouldn't you go to a Wild Wild West theme park where you could see a rodeo, take a tour bus through wild mustang habitats, and ride The Gold Rush Roller Coaster? Hell yes. There would be a mini-museum dedicated to Cloud and his band. We could hire some of those Native Americans that are sitting out west with no jobs and bleak prospects. There would be Adult Nights, with honkey-tonk music, mechanical bull rides and half price beer. I'm thinking Calgary Stampede meets Disney Land here! The mustangs would live better lives, and the taxpayers would benefit.
