Monday, December 12, 2011

Crappy Craigslist Circus: Horses, Rocks and Crazy People

Today I bring to you, ladies and gentleman, the Craigslist Horror Circus, filled with the awful dregs of Craigslist! Most are horse-related, but I couldn't help but include a couple of hilarious or horrifying non-horsey ads. Click on any of the pictures to make the ad bigger. Let the circus begin!

The Amazingly Selfish Lady!
See her unbelievable self-indulgence!
See her incredible acts of not giving a damn!

This lovely young lady is selling her sweet, broke, twenty-five year old horse for the low-low slaughter price of $300-- because she needs cash now for a "study abroad" trip. My favorite parts:
  •  Needs to get rid of the old girl 'cause she got a new one -- in with the new, throw away the old.
  • "She needs to have her teeth floated but I decided to let the buyer do it." Very responsible.
  • Her only concern about the mare's new home is that the new owner pick her up SOON!
  • "She has registration papers but I have never sent them in." 
  • This chick needs cash quick, but can obviously afford the Android phone she posted this ad from, is planning a trip studying overseas and of course bought the new horse.
This nice old mare that deserves euthanasia or retirement is going to wind up on a slaughter truck to Canada, because this selfish bitch "needs money" NOW for her own luxuries.

Ultra Creepy Hoarder Dude!
Androgynous name, mysterious motives!

Next, ladies and gentleman, we have a scary situation with a guy named "Kelly" who is apparently collecting animals, despite having no means to take care of them, and apparently no intention of ever doing so:

...and here we have another warning about Kelly, this time from the Milwaukee area:

If you were ever thinking about putting animals on Craigslist for cheap or free, this kind of situation should be a lesson to you: creepy people will say ANYTHING to get their hands on cheap or free animals. Sometimes they're well-intentioned but irresponsible people who simply forget to feed Fluffy (for three weeks)-- other times, they're truly psychopathic. Just check out this guy, who promised to give great homes to cats and kittens on Craigslist, then tortured them to death. This happens more often than you would think. (Click each link for yet another horror story.) PLEASE at least actually check out the home and owner that your animal will be going to. Vet references, Google their name, check your state's circuit court records (publicly accessible!), show up at their home. Don't be lazy.

Now that you're all sad and horrified, how about a moment of amusement?

Stupendously Exciting ROCK for sale! Only $975!

Yes. A rock. Weighing about 3 tons. Why is it worth $975? Because it's, um, heavy! And vaguely shaped like Wisconsin! Boy oh boy, I bet you just can't WAIT to bring it home. I'm not sure how you would bring home a three ton rock as large as a pickup truck...

Mystery Filly!
Totally mysterious!

Her age is unknown, her training is unknown, her health is unknown, her height is unknown, her breed is unknown! We don't even know her name! Oooo, mysterious!! We are tantalized by her color, and four not-so-good pictures! I bet people will be lining up to buy this totally mystic filly!

...and for our grand finale, ladies and gentleman we present to you, a classic tale of tragedy, betrayal and rage: the famous Craigslist rant of an animal control officer who finally snapped! Here are his stories of stupid people and their poor animals!

"Bite My Butt"
I'm sick of all the abuse
Animal control? We need people control!
I quit and I hope your off-leash pet gets pancaked

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