The Kentucky Derby Rocks & Sucks

It's almost Derby Day!

I love the Kentucky Derby. I also hate it, but we'll get to that in a few minutes. Focus on the positive: People get dressed up in huge silly hats, drink drinks they'd avoid at any other time, and are captivated by two minutes of a sport they don't understand, but love anyway. Gorgeous horses, intense action, incredible backstories-- it's all on display at the races! May 5th people-- mark your calendars!

I have a confession: I make my Derby winner pick by how awesome the horse's name is. Here's this year's field of runners (subject to change of course) and my name judgement:

Awful:
Bodemeister
Daddy Long Legs

Interestingly, there really is a complicated, rule-filled process for naming racehorses.

Daddy Nose Best
Hansen
Went the Day Well
Dullahan

Boring:
Creative Cause
Gemologist
Optimizer
Prospective
Alpha

Not Bad:
Trinniberg
Done Talking
I'll Have Another
Liaison
My Adonis
Rousing Sermon
Take Charge Indy
Union Rags

Awesome!!
El Padrino (The Godfather)
Sabercat

I think Sabercat is the cooler name, but I also love the way El Padrino flops his big ears slightly out to the side when he runs, so I'm rooting for him:

And you know what? This is a totally legitimate way to pick a winner, because basically, the horses are all the same. No, I'm not talking about the fact that they're all young (three) and have had relatively few races by which to judge their performances. No, I'm not talking about the fact that they're all basically brown except Hansen. I'm talking about the ROT that has seeped into horse racing: inbreeding.

Every single horse on the Derby field is a cousin to his or her competitors. Not just a cousin in the way that many horses of the same breed are distantly related-- we're talking close family ties here.

Go back up and click on each of the horses' names. The links will take you to their pedigrees. What do you notice? The same names, over and over and over again! Northern Dancer, Secretariat, Mr. Prospector, Bold Ruler, Seattle Slew, War Admiral and their immediate descendents were bred and re-bred and then re-bred to those they sired, effectively making the racehorse gene pool as shallow as a Kardashian in front of a camera.

"I buy myself a gift every year, so this year I bought everything I wanted." -- Kim Kardashian

The little colored boxes show when a horse has direct inbreeding in their family tree. So on Alpha's pedigree, they show that Northern Dancer is Alpha's great-grandpa AND great-great-great grandpa, and that Native Dancer appears twice as well. However, those little colored boxes just scratch the surface of the truth. Northern Dancer's grandpa was Native Dancer!

Now go look at I'll Have Another's pedigree. Northern Dancer appears three times, and Raise a Native (Native Dancer's son) appears twice.

We've just been following the Native Dancer re-breedings within five generations. Now go look at how many times the other famous horses were re-bred into family lines!

If Thoroughbreds were humans, this is probably what they'd look like:

So why does this happen? Well, of course racehorse breeders want to win, so they breed to winners, and re-breed to winners, hoping the offspring will get the magical gene combination of their illustrious ancestors.

"Winning" in this case just means the ability of young horses to go very fast for a short distance. Breeding purely for disposable speed, not for soundness/health or genetic diversity, has led Thoroughbreds down a dangerous path. As well all know, breeding heavily for certain traits results in dangerous health problems. In Quarter Horses, there's HYPP, in Arabians it's SCID, in German Shepherds it's hip dysplasia, many bulldogs can't give birth naturally because of the big-headed thing, etc etc etc.

 Thoroughbreds are being bred to look like greyhounds-- thin bones, long pasterns, skinny bodies, etc. It increases their speed-- but the delicate physique also results in more injuries. Added to the inbreeding and being raced at a young age, Thoroughbreds aren't so much horses anymore as much as they are living toys-- produced to be played with, broken quickly, then thrown away. American racetracks are complicit in this crime, allowing trainers to dope their horses with pain-killers, respiratory boosters and other drugs to maximize their horses' performances. Articles here and here. (By the way, European racetracks are much more strict about the use of drugs, and have far fewer injuries on racetracks.) The end result is thousands of off-track thoroughbreds being euthanized after serious injuries sustained at a young age, or sent to slaughter by age six.

That's why, as much as I love the Kentucky Derby, I also hate it. I hate that we've taken the athleticism a horse is capable of, and reduced our largest event celebrating it to a two-minute sprint. I hate that we're ruining horses, and maybe even the Thoroughbred breed, to win that two-minute sprint. I hate the cruelty competition like this can result in.

I'd like to see racing become a more diversified sport. Let's do away with sprinting-only races; let's add in some jumping, some real distance and some trail obstacles. That would require breeders to breed for more diversified traits, like soundness, endurance, temperament and intelligence. It would also encourage them to wait to race horses until they're old enough to be able to handle that kind of race. Oh wait-- we already have that. The sports are called Endurance Racing, Competitive Trail and Limited Distance-- my favorite equine sports!

Flying Horses

You thought this was going to be a Pegasus, didn't you?

Have you ever wondered about how flying horses work? Me too-- but I'm not just talking about the fantastical ones. In the thoroughbred and warmblood worlds, it's common for horses to be shipped to different states and countries by airplane. The demand for popular bloodlines and accomplished horses is high enough to warrant the cost, risk and hassle-- and of course, international law requires Thoroughbred racehorses to be bred via "live cover" (actually bumping uglies) instead of artificial insemination or embryo transfer. This is done to minimize the possibility of mixed-up breedings and fraud (and, say some, to preserve the monopoly of the richest racing breeders, who are the only ones who can afford to fly a bunch of horses around constantly).

...and thousands of stallions are undoubtedly very grateful to not have this for a girlfriend.

So what's involved with flying horses? Well, first of all money of course. A horse's plane ride to Europe costs about $5,000 (US dollars). Which is actually not too bad, considering that a human ticket costs about the same. Unfortunately, that doesn't include the cost of the mandatory 30 day quarantine, health checks, or transporting your horse to an airport/airline that will actually fly a horse. According to this great article about the process of air-mailing a horse, "El Al, CAL, Lufthansa, KLM, and Cargolux have the most livestock shipping volumes. FedEx and Emery transports also offer international equine shipping services." Fed-Ex offers local horse airmail too, for cheaper prices-- only about $2,000 from the USA to Alaska. I LOVE the fact that you can Fed-Ex a horse.

This (left) is the shipping container they use. It's called an "air stable" and looks a little cramped, but then again, so are economy class seats for humans. The airstable container then gets bolted down to a shipping pallet and lifted into the airplane by what is basically a giant forklift (below). Alternatively, horses may be led up a ramp straight into the airplane itself, which has been divided into paneled sections (right).

OMG the nose comes off!

Nervous horses get sedated, and there are no windows or in-flight movies for horses, but otherwise their rides are totally normal. They get hay and water. Of course, should an accident happen, the horses are totally screwed (they can't get out) but flying is statistically pretty damn safe.

All of this exploration was brought on, by the way, by this article about a horse breeder in Sarona, Wisconsin who has just sent a horse to Hungary. "Lace" is a young, registered, old-style Morgan filly who will be the first Morgan ever to live in Hungary.

Rafter Bar D Morgans is the name of the ranch she was bred at. It looks like a fantastically prosperous farm. I do love old-type Morgans, and the pictures of the Rafter Bar D farm are gorgeous. However, even they seem to have hopped on board the Cremello train, a color-breeding experiment that ended quickly when the mare died due to "a tragic pasture accident." Hmmmm....*slightly suspicious noise*

And what do you think of their stallion, JMF True North?

I think he's very shiny, and very black... but not perfect. He looks downhill to me, with somewhat upright hocks. He's got a nice shoulder though. What do YOU think?

I just hope Lace's new owners really really really like their new pet. As someone who spends large gobs of money on own pampered equines, I can't really criticize someone for wanting to spend money on the luxury of importing a horse. However, it does seem to me that if you're just buying a pet (which is what Lacey seems to be) rather than a horse for competition or breeding, wouldn't it be better to spend all that money on a less fortunate horse in your own country?

I'm not necessarily one of those "never buy a purebred from a breeder when you could rescue!" types, but still...

Fall Bargain Bin: Cheap Horses

In case you thought I was kidding about the horse over-population problem, or how many cheap horses there are out there (so you DON'T need to breed more) today we're looking at what you can buy for less than $1,000.

First, I'd like to mention Midwest Horse Welfare, the best-run horse rescue operation in Wisconsin. They offer up horses I habitually drool over, for stunningly low prices. I'm currently wiping my chin over two appendix Quarter Horses there, both broke to ride, healthy, young and gorgeous for $400 and $500 respectively. I know that some people are shy about jumping through the hoops that a horse rescue has to put adopters through, but here's the deal: you'll never be lied to. MHW is non-profit and wants to make SURE the horse and adopter are right for each other, so they're not going to exaggerate training level, hide health problems or lie about age or temperament. They also promise to take back any horse that doesn't work out-- and they have. That kind of security is WORTH a few hoops. Anyway, check them and their bargain beauties out here: Midwest Horse Welfare

P.S. They also have this pony up for adoption right now:

OMG he's so cute I want to DIE!! Broke for pony rides, 13 years old, $200.

Secondly, I'd like to mention that the largest horse auction in my state happened today: the Tim Nolan auction in Marion, WI. Every year, twice a year, they sell hundreds of horses-- many of them for less than a couple hundred bucks. If you went this fall, I'm dying to hear how low prices were-- I'm sure they were terrible. The last time I went, it was all I could do to stop myself from bringing home a trailer full. I just can't go to auctions any more-- my hand rises of its own accord.

Now on to my favorite casual reading: Craigslist. I've collected for you a selection of fall bargains. All are under $1,000, all of them have some level of saddle training. None of them are owned by the same person, by the way; these bargains are happening everywhere on Craigslist in Wisconsin:

13 yr old TB/Dutch Warmblood cross, beginning dressage, hunter & jumper, good on trails too-- just $950. And probably less, since the ad screams, "ALL REASONABLE OFFERS CONSIDERED"

Why buy a foal when you can get a well-started youngster for less?

"3 year old sorrel mare for sale. She has been started with about 60 days on her now, going great. Will go through creeks, hills, brush, cattle...very willing. Lots of potential."
$300

 "Sweet, gentle mare. She has been there and done that. Trails, Show ring and a mother. Great for farrier and vet. Coggins, 6way, teeth done about a month ago, feet and worming." She's ugly and 19 years old, but as a kid's beginner show mount and babysitter, she'd be perfect, and perfectly cheap-- they're asking $500 and would take less.

 11 year old registered AQHA red dun mare-- once broke to ride but has been a broodmare for a few years, so she'd need a refresher. Cute mare-- $600 or best offer.

My personal favorite: this grade palomino mare is young (only 4) but is very well broke:

"She stands tied, picks up all four feet, very easy to catch she nickers and comes right up to you. She rides western and bareback. She walks easily into and across water. She is used to both barb, and electric fences. She rides off alone and is used to being on the road with cars, tractors ect. You can use a snaffle bit or just halter and lead to ride. She also neck reins. Fancy has been on overnight camping trips and does well being tied on a picket line. She is open now and has never been bred. She also rides double."

How much? Only $800! Yes, for a COLORED, very broke, super cute, super sweet mare, who, judging by her video, has the patience of a saint. She was broke too early-- but looks sturdy. Bargain!!

11 year old halflinger mare; broke but needs work. Looks a little sassy, but very cute, and just the right height for a kid's horse at 13Hh. If you took this horse on as a project and finished her out as a kid's horse, you could easily re-sell her in spring for $1,200.

"we are asking $300.00 or BEST OFFER for her. she has to go ASAP."

(Not Pictured)         2 yr old very cute buckskin pony. 11 hands high. Four high white socks and a star. Super flashy. Welsh type with a lovely dished face and a kind eye. Very quiet and not easily spooked. I've been told that she has been saddled and had children led around on her. Seems unphased by pretty much anything. Loads well in a trailer. Good with her feet. Gets along well with other horses/ponies. Will make a very nice kids pony. $200 OBO.


Finally, here's a whole herd of free or very cheap horses: