Weanling Conformation Clinic

Let's say you attend an auction this fall. Hay shortages are rampant, and winter is coming fast. You would be foolish to get another horse, but, well... You have fifty bucks in your pocket, and horses are going for peanuts. Your hand seems to shoot up from your shoulder automatically. Oh! You have just bid first pick on a group of little grade weanlings. Crap, your family is going to strangle you, right before falling in love with the new adorable fluffball. But which one do you grab from the group? Quick, the auctioneer wants to continue!

 Weanlings are hard, because at first all you see is "CUTE!" Luckily, however, they're a bit easier to judge than two-year-olds. A young weanling may not have "grown into itself" yet, but they are far less awkward than a 2 year old. They haven't yet hit the massive, weird growth spurt that seems to make horses grow one part at a time. Cowboy wisdom says, "Look at a horse at 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, then 3 years... and never in between!" I would push the "3 months" up to 6 months myself, which is about the age of these guys.

So which weanling did you impulse-buy? Were you dazzled by the pretty color and nice set-up of D? Were you thrown off by A's awkwardness?

I chose C.

The first thing I look for in a horse is legs. I do not like the upright angles and long cannons of B. D is also not ideal, with her upright rear pasterns. A is okay, except that his rear legs seemed pretty cow-hocked, though it's hard to judge in this picture. C, however, was easily the best. Nicely sloping short pasterns, strong cannons, and already his legs seem more "under" him than the others.

Next is shoulders. All the shoulders here are acceptable... except B's. It's short and upright. Ouch. That's not something a horse grows out of, by the way.

On to butts. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I like big butts and I cannot lie! B is a bit lacking in depth (think "pinched"). D has a steeply sloping croup that's going to be good for getting her legs under her in reining... but it's not great for much else. A and C have nice round badonk-a-donks that will power them through whatever careers they end up in.

Now topline. This is tricky. Many people will tell you that a young horse with a high hip will grow into it. This is partially true-- they will even out a bit. But it's a mistake to think that a severe slope will magically go away completely. All the weanlings are currently butt-high except for C. (Yes, even D-- her handler has cleverly placed her against the light background of the sky, so it's harder to tell.) C's even topline at such a young age might result in him growing up slightly uphill... but I'd prefer this over downhill. 

If my money was really burning a hole in my pocket, I would also take weanling A. I know, I know, he's an ugly ducking isn't he? He's not necessarily the next best. His rawboned shoulder, funny stance and high hip are not endearing. But he has nice leg angles (aside from possible cow hocks), that shoulder is still nicely laid back, and he may grow out of his downhill build. Plus, D is much more likely to find a good home because of her pretty color, great shoulder and fashionable build, despite those pasterns. What can I say, I'm a sucker. I'm afraid poor B is left at the bottom of the barrel though. With good genes, he may even out slowly into a lanky, proportional Thoroughbred-type (still with a bad shoulder)... but I suspect he's going to end up a chunky monkey on too-long, too-thin legs. Also, is it just me, or is there some puffiness to his rear leg(s) and joints?

To recap, I would choose C, then A or D, and lastly B. How did your selection come out? Post a comment with your conformational observations... especially if they disagree with mine! I love to learn.

Stumpy-necked Month Old Grade Foal: $4,000!

Sometimes there will appear to be a lull in stupidity in the Wisconsin horse world. I become slightly optimistic during these times. I think, "Gee, it's probably just that I haven't been paying attention, or that the weather has kept the real idiots inside, but maybe, just maybe, people are getting better!"

But no. It always turns out I really haven't been paying attention. Today, I present to you Crystal Ackerman!

Awww, what a cute thing to teach your horse!
Until he reaches 600 pounds and tries it...

Crystal is from Fennimore, WI, and she's a strong contender for a gold medal in stupidity. It's like there's some Backyard Breeder Olympics I'm unaware of.

Check out this Craigslist ad, where she's selling a month-old foal. Nowhere does she say anything like, "he can go home with you after weaning in five months." Uh, well, maybe she would clarify that part once someone contacted her and agreed to pay...  
HOLY CRAP, $4,000?!
Four thousand dollars?
Four thousand dollars?
For a yet-to-be-registered draft mix baby?
For this stumpy-necked, untrained mutt?
Dear God, why?!
Ohhhhh right, because it's part Gypsy Vanner. *massive eyeroll*
And if she truly believes that thing is worth so much, why keep it behind barbed wire?! If you had an expensive car, would you habitually drive it on rutted roads covered in bits of glass?!
Good job capping those T-posts, I guess?! How pointless.
My mind is officially boggled. Click the ad below to see it full-size.

 This foal isn't the only animal Crystal is interested in making a quick profit on. She also put up a bulldog puppy for sale-- at seven weeks old. (Reminder: 8 weeks is considered the minimum, to ensure the health and proper socialization of the dog.)

Besides horses and bulldogs, Crystal also breeds Great Danes and chinchillas. Apparently, she also considers herself qualified to train. Just look at these incredibly safe techniques! See more on her website.

Well hey, let's try to end on a positive note, shall we? I guess we can say that all of Crystals pictures show her umpteen animals as being healthy and in clean environments. Oh, and she has a nice sticky butt when it comes to riding. Good job Crystal, I marginally accept you as not absolutely the worst horse owner ever.

See, I can be nice!

Wiener Horses: "Very Conformationally Correct"

"Very conformationally correct" LOL

Yes, this girl was a broodmare...

Long back, short legs, steep croup... Actually, this mare looks a lot like my Annie! Except I think Annie has a slightly better shoulder...

I know! I'll start a new breed! I'll call them "wiener horses," or "munchkin mares." I'll make millions! Hey, it worked for cat breeders...

 

 And now, for your amusement, a random video of a hilarious baby and a dachshund...

 

Arabians: Conformation, Craziness and Love

Arabian horses have a certain something. The high tail carriage, the delicate yet noble head, the refined body-- these features combine to make the breed instantly recognizable. Oh yeah, and of course they almost always have "interesting" personalities.

Arabians are often described by their fans and owners as "intelligent," "strong-willed," "spirited,"  and "energetic." Every Arabian I've ever met can be described as... "reactive." Or maybe, "bat-shit crazy." I gave the breed a pretty good shot, and I don't think they're necessarily bad horses. They're just... wound a little tighter than other horses.

Despite my dislike of the breed, however, I continue to fantasize about them. There's that certain something, and they're gorgeous- plus, Arabians are easily one of the best available breeds for endurance, the sport I adore. That's why it's especially disappointing to see Arabians like the one below.

 

According to this guy's Craigslist ad, he's a "striking" Arabian gelding that's "correctly built." Well, they got the first part right. He's striking for sure-- downhill, camped out, upright rear pasterns... the only thing nice about him is his shoulder. The picture is fairly poor quality, so it's hard to tell, but those front cannons look rather iffy as well. He's broke to ride, but apparently has no show record or other achievements to his name. How much is the owner asking? $3,500. Why? I dunno.

Conformation & Designer Horse Breeds

It seems like you can't go anywhere these days without seeing a Friesian. These horses are THE fashionable breed. They're a pretty color (jet black), they've got lots of long hair and they've been popularized by movies and television. (Above: "Mask of Zorro," "Alexander," "Narnia: Prince Caspian")

They're gorgeous and, like, super romantic. Which, of course, is why every backyard breeder is determined to get their hands on one and breed it to anything. Their thinking is that Friesian + anything = profit.

WRONG.

The above horse is Yukon. He's a Friesian "sport horse," in this case meaning his daddy was this Friesian (unregistered as far as I can tell) and his mom was a "warmblood." He's 17.2 hands! Wow. Pretty tall for a "sport horse." Poor guy, we might have to start calling him Yuck-on. He's downhill, with a super steep croup and a  weak hind end in general. He does have a nice shoulder, decent legs and a handsome face, but otherwise looks like a fairly unremarkable draft cross. Guess where he's at? That's right, Midwest Horse Rescue. For $500. Despite being broke to ride, with dressage training.

 

This handsome fellow is Danny, another Friesian "sport horse," also at Midwest Horse Welfare-- Free to a good home. Danny can never be ridden, because he was born with very weak pasterns, a defect apparently commonly passed on by his sire. (God forbid his owners stop breeding him to everything with a uterus...)

 

Here's Jewel, yet another Friesian mutt, recently adopted from Midwest Horse Welfare. Her conformation defects include being downhill, camped-under, short-necked, ewe-necked and goose-rumped. But by God, she's hairy, shiny and black, so she must be worth a ton of money, right?! Wrong again. She was adopted for $600-- and she was broke to ride and drive.

Now, I don't want to insult Midwest Horse Welfare, or imply that all horses who end up there are somehow defective. Some good quality horses wind up there, because their previous owners trust the very-well-run MHW to find them great homes. However, the fact that these Freisian crosses are at a horse rescue in the first place does imply that they're not the super-valueable animals some people seem to think they are. The fact that all of these horses have some pretty glaring flaws also speaks to how badly this trendy breed is being corrupted by "sport horse" breeders. I should clarify, by the way, that there are some nice-conformed, true sport horse crosses out there-- just check out the Friesian Sport Horse Registry for good examples (they have a breed standard and registry requirements and everything!). I'm just insulting the pretend ones people are breeding and calling "sport horses" because "random crossbred created with no attention paid to conformation" doesn't sound as nice.

Now let's continue our examination of ridiculous cross-breds, shall we?

Ah, here's Captain Morgan! It's just so classy to name horses after liquor brands, isn't it? Captain is a Percheron-Friesian-Arabian-- because, apparently, someone decided what the world needed was a really confused foal. He's got the weak butt of a poorly-conformed Arabian, the giant feet of a Friesian and the gut of a draft horse that's eaten too much. What's with those joints? Poor nutrition, injury or just plain ugly?  Only $900 for this weird, un-handled yearling!

...and here's Captain Morgan's sister! This time her breeders opted for classic beauty-- in name only. "Athena" is downhill, with a poor shoulder, camped out, has an unimpressive butt and may also have weak pasterns. She's not even an interesting color, despite being a Paint-Percheron-Friesian cross. Also $900.

Who are these breeders kidding? I can go to any local auction and pick up an yearling just like these guys for $100 or less-- and actually, I could probably score something with better conformation or color too. These people just don't understand that being part-designer-breed doesn't automatically give a horse more value!

I think part of the problem is the idea that a mixed breed horse is "part" anything. Let's say that you cross a Friesian with an Arabian. The foal gets genes from both parents-- but those genes aren't equally expressed. The foal won't necessarily look like a blended 50/50 mix between the two breeds. It could have a totally Arabian head, but have the color and heavy build of a Friesian. Or, it could have the massive body of a Friesian, on the tiny legs of an Arabian. Or it could even look pretty much like an Arabian! Unless you have a very prepotent sire or dam, which strongly stamps its offspring with its characteristics, even breeding horses of the same breed is a gamble. When you cross really unrelated breeds, it's REALLY a crapshoot. Athena up there looks like she came out 80% unremarkable paint. Human kids are a good example of this principle; they aren't a blended 50/50 mix of their parents. They carry strong appearance and personality traits from one or the other.

The mystique of the Friesian breed isn't a wrong thing. Practically, they're just another light draft, but there's nothing wrong with fantasizing about them. What's wrong is crossing them to everything, all the time, on the assumption that the resulting foal with be fabulous. It will just be a light-draft-cross!

Please-- stop breeding nonsensically. We have enough grade horses out there.