Stumpy-necked Month Old Grade Foal: $4,000!

Sometimes there will appear to be a lull in stupidity in the Wisconsin horse world. I become slightly optimistic during these times. I think, "Gee, it's probably just that I haven't been paying attention, or that the weather has kept the real idiots inside, but maybe, just maybe, people are getting better!"

But no. It always turns out I really haven't been paying attention. Today, I present to you Crystal Ackerman!

Awww, what a cute thing to teach your horse!
Until he reaches 600 pounds and tries it...

Crystal is from Fennimore, WI, and she's a strong contender for a gold medal in stupidity. It's like there's some Backyard Breeder Olympics I'm unaware of.

Check out this Craigslist ad, where she's selling a month-old foal. Nowhere does she say anything like, "he can go home with you after weaning in five months." Uh, well, maybe she would clarify that part once someone contacted her and agreed to pay...  
HOLY CRAP, $4,000?!
Four thousand dollars?
Four thousand dollars?
For a yet-to-be-registered draft mix baby?
For this stumpy-necked, untrained mutt?
Dear God, why?!
Ohhhhh right, because it's part Gypsy Vanner. *massive eyeroll*
And if she truly believes that thing is worth so much, why keep it behind barbed wire?! If you had an expensive car, would you habitually drive it on rutted roads covered in bits of glass?!
Good job capping those T-posts, I guess?! How pointless.
My mind is officially boggled. Click the ad below to see it full-size.

 This foal isn't the only animal Crystal is interested in making a quick profit on. She also put up a bulldog puppy for sale-- at seven weeks old. (Reminder: 8 weeks is considered the minimum, to ensure the health and proper socialization of the dog.)

Besides horses and bulldogs, Crystal also breeds Great Danes and chinchillas. Apparently, she also considers herself qualified to train. Just look at these incredibly safe techniques! See more on her website.

Well hey, let's try to end on a positive note, shall we? I guess we can say that all of Crystals pictures show her umpteen animals as being healthy and in clean environments. Oh, and she has a nice sticky butt when it comes to riding. Good job Crystal, I marginally accept you as not absolutely the worst horse owner ever.

See, I can be nice!

Find Mylie A Home! + Entitlement Sucks

This is Mylie-- and she needs a home!

Many blogs feature adoptable horses from rescues. It's awesome-- but a little unfair. Horse rescues do work incredibly hard, and they deserve help and respect. But usually, they already have a support network. What about individuals?

I'm not talking about every Joe Shmoe that wants to "rehome" (sell) a horse because their daughter grew out of her pony phase. I'm talking about the honest, hard-working people who have opened their homes to a single animal in need, and don't want to make any profit. These people don't have highly visible, popular websites. They don't have 501(c)(3) status. They're getting no deals from vets or trainers, and they're generally not part of the rescue-involved "scene." They're just people trying to do the right thing. That's today's featured rescue.

This Quarter Horse mare is a gorgeous bay, fully broke, sound, healthy, and young (seven). She's also nice and tall at 15.2 hands. She's had her hooves, vaccinations and worming done. She's located near Markesan, WI. And she's free!

There's one problem: Mylie is a bucker. Not always, and not a bronco-bucker, but not for a beginner.

Her owner Todd says he has ruled out saddle fit problems, back injury or pain, teeth problems, rider error, and in short, everything he can think of. Todd got sold a lemon, but unlike many people, he won't send her to auction, he won't dump her on a dealer or an unknowing newbie, he won't give her away to just anyone, he's going to keep her until she finds a really suitable home. That's awesome.

Here's what Todd has to say about the bucking issue:

"She is a nice girl. She will saddle and take a bit fine. She will at times buck after first mounting or anytime while riding. It is not the aggressive bucking but a back step buck up and you can be thrown. It seems to be a fear or panic response to things. She can be ridden and before us had two young children riders but SHE IS NOT SAFE for a child and I will not market her as such. I want her to go to someone who has desensitizing training or experience with troubled horses and has the time she needs. She can appear perfect and sound and so I fear if in the wrong hands she would be remarketed and sold for profit and someone would end up hurt."

There are those of you that might complain that Todd needs to spend some money on training. That might be true if this was just a simple issue. The way Todd describes it however, it's a dangerous habit that may or may not be fixable-- meaning, even if he had the expertise or money to train her, he may never be able to fully trust Mylie. I can empathize with that. I had an Arabian cross gelding that was a fantastic horse-- except that he was hot, hot, hot. Fast, spooky, pushy and dominant, he scared me to death, and after a year of trying, I was simply not comfortable with, or capable of, doing more with him. Even if I had sent him to a trainer for 365 days, his personality was such that I would never have felt safe riding him. Likewise, Todd just doesn't feel safe riding Mylie...but he's not dumping her either!

Mylie needs a great home with someone who can work on her issue. Is it you? Are you one of those go-get-'em riders with training expertise and a little taste for thrill? Do you have experience working on bad habits? OR, do you need a gorgeous, sound young pasture mate?

See Mylie's Craigslist ad here, or contact Todd at funkltodd@hotmail.com -- but be warned, Mylie is only going to go to a GREAT home!

P.S. Todd says he's been getting a ton of criticism from all sides. Undoubtedly, there are those who are telling him to just shoot or euthanize poor Mylie, and those telling him he should keep her forever and ever and ever regardless of his safety. What really made me angry, however, was one response to his Craigslit ad, also posted on Craigslist:

Is this a scam (markesen)

---

Date: 2012-05-03, 3:04PM CDT

Reply to: see below ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

Theres an add for a free horse and I went to see it and I wasn't given it. I think it's a scam!!!!!!!! I wasted my day and so I don't want anyone else to waste theirs. I was told that she was rideable but told I couldn't ride. The guy who showed her got up and rode but when I asked why I couldn't i was told because she is unpredictable. So what she is free and I should have been allowed to get on her. I was told I wasn't a match for her because she needs an experienced handler. Why? I think this guy jusst wants to waste peoples time and has nothing better to do.

Isn't that the most bratty, entitlement-filled thing you've ever read?!  I just had to respond:

To the person complaining about not getting the free horse:

- They rode themselves and didn't want YOU to ride because of the possibility of a lawsuit if the horse injured you.

- They didn't give you the free horse because they obviously thought you were not going to be a good owner

- It's THEIR horse, and they have the right to decide who to give it to-- i.e. a GOOD home

- This whiny, entitlement-filled ad PROVES you are not going to be a good owner

- If you want everything your way, try actually paying for a horse

Okay folks-- spread the word! Find Mylie a home! I have faith in you :)  Don't forget to watch the Kentucky Derby tomorrow, Sat. May 5th! It will be on NBC at 5:24 pm central time-- but if you want a preview of the horses and jockeys, you should of course tune in earlier.

Cyndi Plasch Beating A Horse at Midwest Horse Fair

If you're looking for my video of Asia Voight doing psychic readings for horse owners, click here. If you're looking for my full report on her, head on over to Snarkyrider. Now onto breaking news:

Wisconsin horse trainer Cyndi Plasch was caught on video tape at the Midwest Horse Fair repeatedly hitting a horse with a wiffle bat in order to force it into a trailer:

Cindy Plasch was heavily involved in gaited horses, as an owner, trainer and coach. She worked at the Missouri Foxtrotter Riding Academy (warning: site may be down due to heavy traffic) located at the Driftless Valley Ranch in Mazomanie, WI. The Upper Midwest Missouri Foxtrotter Association has just removed her from its board, but we don't know whether Driftless Valley has fired her or not. The Midwest Horse Fair organization has issued a statement condemning Plasch's actions, but we don't yet know if she will be allowed to come back next year. Hopefully, all of the media attention, including this video which has an interview with person who caught the abuse on tape, will mean permanent banishment for Plasch. Several witnesses have attempted to get some legal action going, but so far it seems officials are treating the incident as harmless. If you disagree, you can contact:

Timothy Frank
Animal Services Officer
Public Health-Madison & Dane County
Ph. 608-243-0310 or try (608) 266-4821


Or write to:

health@cityofmadison.com


Public Health Administrative Office
Attn: Animal Services
210 Martin Luther King
Jr. Blvd, Room 507
Madison, WI 53703

Plasch has now released a statement defending herself:

"Attempts to load the horse had been going on for an hour and a half prior," and "gentler methods such as tapping and using treats were used at the start and were not successful." She also said in the statement that the horse had become violent.  

Can anyone say, "lame excuse to throw a temper tantrum?" I have a challenge for you, dear readers: let's see how many ways we can come up with to get a balky horse into a trailer that don't involve beating it with a plastic bat. I'm willing to bet that most of you are not trainers, yet you can come up with dozens of better ways. Ready? I'll start us off:

- Using a butt rope.
- Training a horse extremely well prior to a major show, so that this is less likely to happen in the first place.
- Lunging the horse immediately after he refuses to go in the trailer, teaching him that refusal = more work than cooperation.

Several people have defended Plasch, saying stuff like, "A plastic wiffle bat doesn't hurt,"  "everyone loses their temper sometimes," and "the horse was aggressive." To which I reply:

A wiffle bat doesn't hurt much, but can you imagine how afraid this horse was? And the next time he even sees another trailer, he'll be even more afraid because of what he's experienced. Violence of any kind is never an appropriate training technique. Yes, everyone loses their temper, but this is an adult professional entrusted with the care of children and other peoples' horses. Even if she couldn't be adult enough to handle her shit, she could have found a better way of taking out her frustration. However, I don't believe this was spontaneous at all; ask yourself why a trainer would be carrying a large plastic wiffle bat around at a show unless they intended to use it exactly for this purpose. I'm betting beating balky horses into and out of trailers is Cyndi Plasch's favorite technique. Finally, this horse was not aggressive. Despite being whaled on with a bat, I didn't see him try to kick or bite even once in this video-- hardly the behavior of an aggressive horse. But even if it was an aggressive horse, does that warrant repeated beatings with a bat? Um, no. That's not how you deal with an aggressive horse, that's how you make one worse.

Cyndi Plasch = Scum. Spread the word.

 

Update: Plasch was eventually fined $429 (only after huge public pressure).

The Delights and Dangers of Trick Horses

For centuries, humans have delighted in watching horses strut their stuff. Did you know that the first circuses consisted almost entirely of trick horses, horse races and acrobatics on horseback? It's so interesting to watch a well-trained horse perform tricks. As a horseperson, you have some idea how much time and effort went into teaching those tricks, and the desensitization required for performing them in front of a crowd. Your friends might say, "Eh, my dog does that," or, "lame!" but you know how awesome it is. And how dangerous. Check out these videos below.

This one's in German, but you don't need to speak the language to laugh out loud at the comedy. I loved it.
 ...but I would never teach my horse most of those tricks. 

Horses, like dogs, soon learn that tricks can get them attention, treats or act as an escape from whatever else they're being asked to do. Like the dog that learns to "sit up" and then begs constantly at the dinner table, this can be just annoying. In the video, Scout has clearly taken a liking to pulling blankets off of himself. It's funny, but how funny would it be if he decided to do that every time you went to tack him up? Then it can get dangerous. Rearing, pushing you around, head-butting, play-biting...in the real world, those are behaviors that mean dominance or aggression, and should be discouraged. When they're taught as tricks, you risk bumping into the line between, "Hah hah, that's so funny," and, "Oh my God, my horse just reared up on my niece and threw her into the fence."

This video is the epitome of every little girl's dreams: being some kind of Fairy Queen of the Horses, controlling them without a word as they prance and gambol around you in a sparkly forest glade. But skip forward to 6:45 and you'll see a horse apparently bent on herding and attacking the girl. He charges at her, ears pinned back, "biting" with an open mouth, using his body to block and move her around. When they stand still, he strikes at her with a front foot, which then changes into sort of a prancing dance. Of course it's all an act... until the day he decides to repeat this crap on someone who's not prepared to handle it. 

I can only hope that the horses taught to do these things stay with their trainers forever and ever and ever, so that they remain under the care of people who know what they've doing and have accepted the danger.

Don't get me wrong. Do teach your horse tricks. Tricks are great mental stimulus, exercise and bonding experiences. But unless you're a show-biz professional, don't teach tricks that replicate aggressive natural behaviors, or ones that might put someone else in harm's way. You might be okay with the risk involved, but how about your barn owner, your riding buddy, your friends and family members? What if you sell your horse to a new owner some day? How about the vet and farrier? Other people have to handle your horse too, and they may not want to, or be able to, handle the dangerous tricks you've taught your horse. And what about your horse? Just being potentially dangerous is enough to hurt his chances of finding a new home if he ever needs one. If he ever did cause a serious accident, or God forbid, killed you because of his "trick," there's no way anyone would touch him again. That's a death sentence.

Horse Training: Redneck Style

There are so many things wrong with this video, I almost had to get out a calculator to count them. This was posted by a friend on Facebook, who, even with his limited horse experience, was able to tell this was seriously stupid.

1. No helmet. On a very green horse. Aside from the ruination of this horse, this is my biggest pet peeve here. On the other hand, if this rider removed himself from the gene pool via massive head trauma, that wouldn't be so bad.

2. Inappropriately dressed "cowboy." Flat sneakers and shorts? Really? At least get a boot with a heel! It's like this guy wanted to get hurt.

3. Pulling on a horse to make it move. It seems logical, until you remember that a horse weighs a thousand pounds, and can lift you off of the ground with its neck alone. You can't out-pull a horse! What you can do is pull so hard on a horse's face that it gets pissed and rears away from the pressure-- just like this poor thing. My favorite part is when the "handler" on the ground leans on the rope so hard he's almost laying down-- it would have been perfect justice if the horse had chosen that moment to leap forward and squish him.

4. Totally inappropriate tack. First, of course, is the bit-- a long-shanked monstrosity designed to exert maximum leverage. In the wrong hands (these guys' hands) it's a jaw-breaker. Even in the right hands, you don't start a young horse in it! Next, that's not a real leadrope-- it looks more like a random, thin nylon rope from the back of a truck. No wonder it broke! And that saddle? Okay, I can excuse them for using a cheap one on an unbroke horse, if they're trying not to damage a good saddle on the first go-round; but at least make sure it fits the rider! It looks like the cantle is crawling up the guy's butt crack, and no one bothered to adjust the stirrups, so that even if he had gotten his feet in, he'd nearly be hugging his knees.

5. Yelling. Yeah, 'cause yelling loudly and angrily at a horse to is really going to want to make it move towards you!

6. Incredibly, awfully, terribly bad riding. Feet not in stirrups half the time, heels up, kicking and yanking back on the reins to make the horse move forward. This rider deserved to come off.

7. Wire fencing where you're breaking a horse to ride. Arghhh!!!! Smooth-wire pasture fencing itself isn't too bad; I use it myself. Wire fencing in an area where you know a horse is going to act up in a big way? Stupid! One of my biggest nightmares is losing control of a horse and having it run through a wire fence, there to get itself (and possibly me) tangled, lacerated or dragged. Note: people, do NOT try to make a "roundpen" out of wire and posts!!

8. Dangerous environment. Besides the issue with the fencing, I see a whole lot of forest that's going to A) spook the horse and B) be a potentially deadly hazard to a rider, if the horse becomes scared enough to start bolting through the brush. Oh, and did you glimpse the front of the ATV parked next to the fence? The cameraman is sitting on it. I bet the noise from that thing driving up really made this green horse feel calm!

9. This is a "maybe," but I'm betting I'm right-- this horse looks way too young to get broke. He's on the small side, and looks like he hasn't filled out yet-- like a two year old. If so, these idiots are doing him lasting harm physically as well as mentally. Of course, we could give them the benefit of the doubt and believe that it's just a small horse... but I wouldn't trust these guys to know how to use a bathroom without pissing themselves.

10. Too many players on the field. We've got Cowboy Idiot, Pulling Idiot, Spectator Idiot and Camera Idiot. All of 'em are making noise and making it more difficult for this green horse to chill out. If I had that many people around me while I was training a young horse, I'd tell them to back the hell off or prepare to get kicked in the face (by me, if not the horse). I especially liked it when Spectator Idiot stood in front of the horse next to Pulling Idiot. I wanted to tell that horse to leap forward "NOW!" and get two-for-one squishings. What a deal!

Scary Moments in Horse Training

1,200 pound prey animals are inherently dangerous. Even if you've got the most well-trained horse EVER, stuff happens. When you're dealing with a young horse, well, watch out. Case in point: today's trailering fiasco.

If you've never seen a horse in this position, you've never watched a very large, fat horse try to turn around in a rather narrow trailer. Sorry about the bad art; even if I had had a camera at the time, I wouldn't exactly have wanted to stop and take a picture.

Annie and I were having a good training session. We took a little walk and brushed up our leading-nicely skills, longed, and she was good for everything. Since she was calm and well-behaved, I figured this would be a good time to work on our trailering. Annie has trailered before, but she doesn't like it, and it takes a while to convince her to hop in. Closing the door and getting her to come out are stressful for her. If we're going to any parks/events this spring, we have to do better.

Eventually I got her in the trailer without too much fuss; just a lot of patient bribing and waiting. She has no problem stepping up into the trailer (there's no ramp) and indeed, she practices it daily on the tack room steps, much to my chagrin. It's getting herself all the way inside that scares her. It's kind of dark and echoey in there, and she can't see what monsters might be waiting outside. This time, however, she was pretty calm. The bucket of sweetfeed certainly helped. I let her eat a while and petted her, and tried to make being inside this dark scary tin can a positive experience. Then it was time to back out.

Annie has no problem backing up, at least on the ground. In the trailer, it's way more scary for her. Again, she can't see out, so she doesn't know what she's backing her butt into (it's the totally familiar yard she's always been in, but it COULD have transformed into a lava pit while she was in the trailer). There's also a "big" step downward for her, which she can't see. Plus, and here's where my own idiocy didn't help matters, the back end of the trailer was a bit wet/slippery. Well, she backed up, hit the slippery spot, slithered around a bit, and came forward again all spooked and jittery now. Damn, I should have put sand down!

We tried a couple more times, and she just wasn't having any of it. She pooped nervous-green-diarreha stuff and made the floor more slippery. She got so upset that she started to try to turn around in the trailer with me in it. I stopped her, jamming my finger pretty good in the process, and got her eating again, but I knew this project was going bad fast.

That's when I abandoned ship. "Sorry kid, but I can't have you squishing me to death." I unclipped the leadrope, slipped past her and went out the back (having foolishly neglected to unlatch the escape door). Whew! I rushed to grab a broom, and attacked the mess at the end of the trailer. Annie didn't move, just stared back at me with a pathetic expression. I felt terrible.

She was still pretty calm, and I for a moment I thought she'd back out on her own, but suddenly she bent sideways and threw herself forward at the same time.

 

This is pretty much my trailer, except mine is green and the windows were boarded over during the winter of Annie's injury, so that she'd be warmer on the hour-long trip to and from surgery. As you can see, it's not a small trailer. You can technically fit four horses in it, if you can get them to stand closely side by side. However, it's not a wide trailer. I'd guess five or six feet wide. Annie is probably nine feet long. You can see how the math doesn't work out here.

 

She got stuck, then went down on her knees, practically staring at her rear toes. I was totally terrified, but at least I didn't start yelling or yanking. Annie seemed unhappy, but not panicked; she stayed in this position for a minute or so, and then heaved herself around with a heroic effort, scurried out of the trailer and stopped. I caught her immediately and gave her lots of sympathy treats and petting. She was uninjured, except for a bit of a scape on her side.

I can just imagine how well our next trailering sessions is going to go!

My hubby suggested backing her into the trailer in the first place. I'm not sure I can back her into anything I can hardly get her to go into front-ways, but at least it would save us the terrifying conundrum of backing out. *sigh* Poor Annie. I HAVE to do better next time.

Recent Rides: A Brief Update

Lest this blog wander too far from its intended purpose, I have to give you a brief update about Annie's progress:

First, I HATE burdocks. Annie has a particular knack for sticking her head directly into them, and also hates having her mane and forelock messed with, a combination that makes us both very unhappy during fall. I know, I know, if I weren't so lazy about pasture maintenance... Annie now has a ridiculous haircut, because I just couldn't get all the forelock burs out without some collateral damage.

It's a bur-icorn!

As for riding, Annie and I have been riding for short distances, but fairly frequently. We don't go more than 1-3 miles, walk and trot under saddle, but I usually lunge Annie for at least 20 minutes before a ride. She's doing much better about traveling straight and listening to subtler leg cues. Twice now, however, she's started to move during mounting-- something to keep an eye on. A horse that walks off while you mount is super annoying.

Tonight was our first ride in about 6 days (I've been at a conference). Foolishly, I didn't do any groundwork with Annie before the ride; I was too excited to get into the saddle. A six day vacation, no lunging, no groundwork? What was I thinking?! She was fractious, energetic and a bit spooky. It's unusual to see Annie upset; it's sort of like a mean Golden Retriever. It just doesn't happen much.


What made matters worse tonight is that Annie has become convinced that there's a CORN MONSTER.

I EAT HORSES! RAWWR!

The farmer who rents the crop land on the farm hasn't harvested the corn yet-- so the dry stalks surround both sides of our road in a quaking, rustling mass of DEATH. The merest hint of a breeze makes it sound like there's an army of evil dire-rats coming towards us. A full-blown gust really spooks her-- and I don't blame her. The corn does start to look alive and malicious. We made it past the gauntlet into more open roadway, as we have every time for the past few weeks, but it was unnerving because we hadn't prepared well enough. At these times, I'm extra glad I'm wearing a helmet.

On the way back home, it got pretty dark (damn Winter) and a combine started up behind us as we entered a wooded part of the road (dark, more rustly noises). I made it about a quarter of a mile in the saddle before I had to dismount and walk her home. She was just really nervous, not naughty, and I probably could have stayed on-- in fact, in my teenage years, I would have. Now, though, I'm cognizant of my own mortality, and of how much things can really hurt. I don't even want to think about bolting home on a dark concrete road at top speed, around a blind curve.

My helmet-- a lifesaver.

Therefore, Annie and I walked. That didn't mean she got out of work, however. Any time I felt she was being unreasonably forward, I made her whoah, back up, and start again. I always want a horse to follow at my shoulder or just behind it; when they're very frightened, I make allowances and let their head move forward, but under no circumstances do I allow a horse to walk so far forward that I'm walking at the base of their neck or at their shoulder. I've been knocked over more than once making that mistake, when a horse reacted to something.

A horse WILL avoid running into you if at all possible when it spooks, but if you're dead in the way, you can become a pancake pretty quickly-- your own safety is the best reason to teach good leading habits.

Good! Nose at handler's shoulder.

Okay-- horse rather too forward.

Future human roadkill.

If Annie didn't whoah or follow nicely, I made her circle, and circle again, until she was calmer. We stopped several times just to stop and stand, despite the distractions; I think this is one of the most important, least-taught skills a horse should know.

When we got home, we headed directly down to the barn-- and then at the last second, we turned back. I made her do a couple of circles and figure eights, then stopped and stood again for a while. THEN we went "home."

The message you want to send is that being back at the barn doesn't mean an end to work or obedience, being scared is okay but being naughty is not, and that you expect good manners all of the time.

I was disappointed in our ride tonight, but it was my own fault due to lack of preparation-- and I did manage to teach some good lessons during it.

As for my own training program, I woke up extra early and power walked two miles before work-- and then had ice cream for supper.

*sigh*