Hey there Delilah

"Hey There Delialah" 

a musical parody inspired by this Craigslist ad  

(screenshot below-- click to enlarge) 

 

Hey there Delilah what's it like with owner Shitty
 I'm a hundred miles away  
But horse today you have my pity, yes you do
You're not worth 2,000 dollars even though you're blue, I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah don't you worry your name's spelled wrong
'Cause anyway most people have only heard of it in song
Close your eyes, listen to my frustrated sighs
I'm on your side
 
Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you What should I do
 
Hey there Delilah, I know times are getting hard  
But if your owner thinks a greenbroke horse will pay her bills then she's a 'tard 

This isn't good, I wish you had the life you really should 
Wish you understood
 
Hey there Delilah, I've got so much left to say 
Like even though you were mom at two

I wish I could take you away,
I'd buy you now
Even more in love with you I'd fall, I just wanna bawl
 
Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you Oh the crap they do to you
 
A hundred miles seems pretty far  
But they've got planes and trains and cars  
I'd walk to you if I had no other way 
  
But our paths were never meant to cross
The best I can do for you is write this silly song 
And hope it gets my point across
 
Delilah I can promise you  
Without more facts no one will buy you
No height no health and misspelled name 
And your owner's all to blame
 
Hey there Delilah  
Are you broke English or is it Western 
One more thing I need to know and then
I swear I'll be done with questions
You'll know it's all because of you  
I write this blog for gals like you
Dear Delilah here's to you  
But what else can I do?
 
Oh the hurt this does to me Oh the hurt this does to me Oh  the hurt this does to me Oh the hurt this does to me What I see I can't unsee...

Craigslist Game!

This game is called, "How Many Stupids?" List all the utterly idiotic statements and/or awful care-taking practices in this ad! I found 12-- can you find more?

"5 year old Arabian Stallion. He has been in same spot most of his life. He was halter trained at one point but hasn't had a halter on him in a few years. He is a great horse. Never had any problems with him. He'd make a great horse if you have time to break and train him. Very beautiful horse. He loves to lay on the ground and stretch out. Loves his basketballs and his paper bags. He has not been around any other horses in 4 years.

We are planning to travel and are looking for a good home for him. I can whistle for him or call him by name from anywhere and he'll come running. So tell me what kind of home you have for him. He's only been in a trailer once when he was about 6 months old.

To RE Clarify a few things: He is Arabian. He is not registered and has no papers. I've never been interested in the "resale" value of an animal. I'm not desperate to get rid of him. He's safe and content where he is.

He would be a great horse to be trained for a riding stable. He's not a huge horse so, once trained, he would be great for kids or adults.

For more information, Please email me."

1. No information on height, health, ground manners, Coggins, etc etc
2. Nice pic of him rearing... and biting something?!
3. Not even halter broke, in a year where broke horses are going for meat prices
4. Uh, "loves to lay on the ground?" Great, I like to sit on my ass. Give me a medal!
5. Loves basketballs? Is he training for the NBA?
6. Loves paper bags?! Like, over his ugly face or what?!
7. Totally unsocialized-- no equine contact since he was a yearling
8. "So tell me what kind of home you have for him" ...uh, a better one than yours?!
9. Doesn't trailer
10. Not gelded, registered, halter broke, broke or apparently handled in any way-- in short, the least desirable horse EVER
11. Has an owner not interested in the "resale value" i.e. general well-being, of a horse
12. Not huge = for kids? HAH HAH HA HA HA

If you thought that was fun, check out this ad ("I have a 2 yr old paint stud that we got as a pasture mate for our younger filly...") and this one! Tell us how many stupids YOU counted!

It Has Begun: Tons of Free & Cheap Horses *updated*

UPDATES:

Free Palomino:
15 yr. old Palomino gelding approx. 16hh.  Free to a good home.  Has some lameness issues, pretty arthritic in front and may have had laminitis in the past.  Some corrective shoeing and proper pain management could improve him quite a bit.  Laid back horse that is eager to please.  He is currently a trail horse at a camp in Montello, WI (an hour north of Madison).  Call me @ 262-878-5106 or email at vandammefamily@sbcglobal.net.
Becky VanDamme

three filly $125 ea take all three for $300 608-438-1099  ad here  Madison area

 
 2 MINI MULES AND 1 PAINT PONY ALL TO GO AT ONCE ,, BRING YOUR TRAIL,, I LL HELP LOAD,, NO NO NO PICKING,, HAVENT GOT THE FEED SO THEY HAVE TO GO.. HAVE TO BE GONE IN 10 DAYS,, SO THE 14 th IS THE LAST DAY FOR THEM........ add here. Brownton WI

AQHA mare needs a home-- breeding sound only. Free. Pretty girl, lots of points on her, not bred. Eau Claire area. Add here

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Horsepeople here in Wisconsin have been predicting doom ever since the rains abandoned us late this spring. With hay either non-existent or sky-high in price, there are going to be a lot of miserable horses this winter, either left to starve in fields or dumped on the local auctions. (Speaking of which, I still haven't made it to an auction yet this year, can anyone recommend a local auction in the Madison area?)

Anyway, I just didn't expect such dump-offs to start so soon... Granted, right now it's the weaker animals, the seniors or the ones with small problems, but I think this will only get worse. I've included a list of links down below to all the Craigslist "free horses," but I want to start with ones I've been contacted about personally:

First, my excellent farrier Stacy Anacker is trying to help a guy find a home for a nice quarter-pony. This mare is incredibly sweet and gentle, perfect for kids, but has lameness issues. A big session of physical therapy, followed by a short session every six months loosens her up enough to be able to be a great walk-trot pony, but she would need that care throughout her life. Otherwise very healthy. Free to a good home. Contact Stacy at 608-712-2924.

Next up:

Two appaloosa mares, about ten years old, need homes. They may have some riding training, but haven't been ridden in a while. The one above may have been bred back to the same stallion that she had this foal from (the foal is now sold and safe). They're both about 14 hands. The one not pictured is built slightly bigger, is dark/black in color and isn't as thin. Unknown Coggins, no obvious lameness, hooves aren't good but not slipper feet. The owner is Bobby, and he sounds like a bit of a jerk/animal dealer, but I think he's honestly trying to find these horses homes moreso than trying to make a buck. He's asking $200 for the horse pictured above, unknown price for the other one, and is negotiable on prices. Call him at 920-284-5528. Located in Black Creek (west of Green Bay).

More free or cheap horses:

Anderson's Homes for Horses-- a rescue I've never heard of, and which doesn't appear to have any website or formal setup. Seems to have a multitude of free horses near Janesville. Ad here.

Healthy-but-thin gelding rescued from an auction. Handsome and sweet. Riding training unknown. $200/free to the right home. Call 608 253 7177  Madison WI

21 year old well-broke gelding. Has heaves, can only walk-trot, but very calm/sweet. Up to date on worming, may need teeth done. Hard keeper. Free. Call or text 608 617 3211. Portage WI

Four free horses, currently owned by a rescue I haven't heard of before. References required. 3yo mustang mare with 30 days training here. 22 yo ex-barrel mare, some arthritis, here. @0+ yo Morgan gelding, intermediate rider needed, some arthritis, here. Nice-looking QH mare, sweet but unhandled, here. Madison WI area

29 yo TB mare, hard keeper, 16hh, rescued from an auction 2 years ago. Ex-jumper. Free. Call or text 815 291 8026. Shannon/Rockford Ill

Free older jenny mule to good home. 14.3. Hasn't been ridden in 2 years. Call 608-487-0054. Ontario, WI

Free pasture ornament-- 8yo QH mare not sound for riding or breeding. Pretty bay mare, can pony kids around. Call Dani at 608-385- Eight Four Nine One. LaCrosse area, WI.

4yo 16hh Saddlebred gelding, broke to lead only. $300. Craigslist ad here. Appleton, WI area.

6 yo Reg Saddlebred gelding, broke to lead only, also $300. Ad here. Appleton, WI area (same people?)

Old pony needs retirement home. Call Pat at 920-470-6978. Appleton/Sherwood.

13 yo Arabian mare with behavior issues free to good home. Ad here. Appleton area. Call or text 920-290-2199.

3 yo AQHA mare with coffin bone injury, free to good home. Can handle light riding with a light rider. Ad here. Saxon (northern) WI.  call 715-893-2398

8yo paint gelding, super well broke to trails but hasn't been ridden in about a year. Has a bit of an attitude problem from not being worked. May have allergies/heaves. $200/free to good home. Ad here. Harshaw (northern WI). call 715-six-zero-five-0002

...and that's all I have time for right now. I'm sure there are a TON more out there.

Stumpy-necked Month Old Grade Foal: $4,000!

Sometimes there will appear to be a lull in stupidity in the Wisconsin horse world. I become slightly optimistic during these times. I think, "Gee, it's probably just that I haven't been paying attention, or that the weather has kept the real idiots inside, but maybe, just maybe, people are getting better!"

But no. It always turns out I really haven't been paying attention. Today, I present to you Crystal Ackerman!

Awww, what a cute thing to teach your horse!
Until he reaches 600 pounds and tries it...

Crystal is from Fennimore, WI, and she's a strong contender for a gold medal in stupidity. It's like there's some Backyard Breeder Olympics I'm unaware of.

Check out this Craigslist ad, where she's selling a month-old foal. Nowhere does she say anything like, "he can go home with you after weaning in five months." Uh, well, maybe she would clarify that part once someone contacted her and agreed to pay...  
HOLY CRAP, $4,000?!
Four thousand dollars?
Four thousand dollars?
For a yet-to-be-registered draft mix baby?
For this stumpy-necked, untrained mutt?
Dear God, why?!
Ohhhhh right, because it's part Gypsy Vanner. *massive eyeroll*
And if she truly believes that thing is worth so much, why keep it behind barbed wire?! If you had an expensive car, would you habitually drive it on rutted roads covered in bits of glass?!
Good job capping those T-posts, I guess?! How pointless.
My mind is officially boggled. Click the ad below to see it full-size.

 This foal isn't the only animal Crystal is interested in making a quick profit on. She also put up a bulldog puppy for sale-- at seven weeks old. (Reminder: 8 weeks is considered the minimum, to ensure the health and proper socialization of the dog.)

Besides horses and bulldogs, Crystal also breeds Great Danes and chinchillas. Apparently, she also considers herself qualified to train. Just look at these incredibly safe techniques! See more on her website.

Well hey, let's try to end on a positive note, shall we? I guess we can say that all of Crystals pictures show her umpteen animals as being healthy and in clean environments. Oh, and she has a nice sticky butt when it comes to riding. Good job Crystal, I marginally accept you as not absolutely the worst horse owner ever.

See, I can be nice!

More Craigslist

These Craigslist ads are "wanted" ads for a change-- but if the type of ad has changed, the craziness has not. Click on 'em to make 'em bigger.

Ummmm, has this person not heard of "vets" before? Actually, I'm guessing they have, but are just plain too cheap to have one come out...so they're looking for some farmer or cowboy to do it instead. Or maybe they've got a wild horse that no intelligent vet will go near. Or maybe they already owe too much money to the local vets. Whatever the case may be, holy hell, they suck.

Next up:

In my experience, even in this glutted horse market, there are two types of horses that are hard to find:

1) Really really well-broke horses. If they're out there, they're generally not for sale, or cost a ton.
2) 10-11 hand horses/ponies. This size is just hard to find. Plenty of big guys, plenty of minis, no shorties.

This poster is looking for both. No wonder they're having trouble! As for the lack of communication, yeah, Craigslist is well known for crap like that--- but I have a feeling the problems weren't just on one side. Would you like to deal with someone who writes angry, misspelled missives like this? Yeah, me neither. Furthermore, it's a sign of a lack of intelligence that this person is relying on Craigslist and auctions to find a kid's pony. How about talking to breeders, POA organizations, etc? Since it's a pony for kids, you know, small helpless precious people with limited skills, don't you think it would be worth it to check out some higher-priced options? Or hey, how about getting an older full-sized horse? There are a ton of semi-retired, dead-broke ex-show horses that would be perfect for kids.

Very Cheap Foals

Click to enlarge.

This ad epitomizes exactly what the problem with backyard breeders is.

Good job, whoever bred these guys! They're being sold for the cost of a tank of gas. Does that make you feel good about the lives you brought into the world? What are these foals' futures going to be like, having had to deal with malnutrition, lack of handling and rock-bottom values at six months old? Was this worth endangering the lives of the mares that gave birth to them?

I'm also not too happy with the poster of this ad. I'd much prefer "a kind of a rescue" to really be a rescue. In other words, before you stick these poor foals on Craigslist, get that colt up to weight, geld him and get some halter training on them both! This isn't a rescue, this is dumping problems on someone else. However fugly these guys are, if they were at decent weight, leadable, wormed and over their winter fuzzies, they would have a much better chance of finding decent homes. And if the "rescuer" here can't provide those things, why did they bother taking the foals in the first place?!

Sad sad sad... there are just too many grade foals out there.

Crazy Craigslist Horses Roundup

 

LOL, this is hilarious. I'm not sure what's going on there, but the pony is obviously caught in the middle! 

Now then, we have this lovely ad from a sixteen year old girl who would like to ride your horses. I'm unsure whether or not she wants to be paid, but I hope not. "Sue" claims to be "a very talented rider," and includes qualifications like:

"I have ridden at the Walk and Trot, and am very good at both."
"I have never had to been corrected."
"I only ride WESTERN, but am open to learn English."

Kiddo, you're at the same level I'm at-- rank amateur. A "very talented rider" can do more than walk-trot in a western saddle, and I'm guessing you've never been corrected for the same reason I've never been corrected; we've never taken real lessons. Unlike you, however, I have learned how to write real English.

Sue says, "I am open to lessons," and particularly wants you to teach her barrels and jumping (for free). She also stipulates that you must provide horses for her to ride that are totally trained/broke, quiet and within a short distance from her home. Yeah princess, and I am "open" to someone giving me free guitar lessons, on a their expensive guitar, whilst feeding me bon-bons and wiping my ass for me.

Next up is "Chex Dun It In Cream," a six year old goose-rumped stallion that's waaay downhill. His achievements include... being cremello. That's right, he's not broke, and doesn't even have a halter class under his belt. Neither his ad or the owner's hideous website mention if this guy is actually registered or not. There isn't any information about his height, health or ground manners either-- but you can buy him for the low low price of $7,500 to $10,000 (depending on if the owners want to keep breeding rights to him).
*massive eyeroll*  Well, maybe he poops gold?

But hey, let's not dwell too much on the negative. Here is a super cute, broke, Egyptian Arabian gelding for sale-- and his owners wrote a fantastic, grammatical, honest, detailed advertisement for him. Only $900! I think that in this economy, that's a reasonable price for a quality animal, who is nevertheless unregistered and needs a little more mileage. And he's black! Oh man, if I hadn't sworn off Arabians forever, I'd be seriously tempted. Also, if I had spare money for a fourth critter. And if I could ride three horses at the same time...

Wiener Horses: "Very Conformationally Correct"

"Very conformationally correct" LOL

Yes, this girl was a broodmare...

Long back, short legs, steep croup... Actually, this mare looks a lot like my Annie! Except I think Annie has a slightly better shoulder...

I know! I'll start a new breed! I'll call them "wiener horses," or "munchkin mares." I'll make millions! Hey, it worked for cat breeders...

 

 And now, for your amusement, a random video of a hilarious baby and a dachshund...

 

Shortest Bad Ad Ever, Llama Update & Thank You to New Readers

WOW I'm so excited!! I just got featured as a guest blogger on Fuglyblog! I've been a huge fan of that blog for years, especially since the writers of Snarkyrider took over.

They say they'd like to feature me at least once more, and possibly twice. I could faint!! It's an honor-- and because of their shout-out to North Horse, I've even gotten a few new readers on THIS blog, which means people are actually reading my blog! Thank you! It's really amazing to feel like I'm not just talking to an empty room. Hi RiderWriter, Moonbrained Mare, DaniB, Katrina, Sulfurfire and any lurkers!! You guys are awesome.

Fortunately, I seem to have gained all intelligent, polite, well-spoken Fuglyfans so far. Not that I object to some conflict. I'm certainly going to see some when my BLM post hits Fuglyblog! And hey guys, please let me know what you would like to hear more about on this blog. I don't aim to be a carbon-copy of Fugly or Snarky, though I'm happy to supply some of the same kind of content if that's what people want more of. Speaking of which...

Click the ad to enlarge. Actual ad is here.

I nearly choked on my toast this morning when I read it. Never have I seen a horse seller sabotage themselves with so little effort. Usually, it takes a bad picture, a lot of misspellings AND a really stupid/selfish attitude to totally ruin a horse Craigslist ad. This one does it in the first eight words.

"GREAT WITH KIDS! not all the way broke"

And if you'll buy that, well ma'am, I have a rescued llama to sell you. He's great with kids-- just not all the way tame. Speaking of which (again), a brief llama update:

Crazy "Skyla" (okay okay, her real first name is obviously Grace) left this bag of Sweet 16 feed on the front desk at my workplace. I didn't see her do it. She didn't say hello or anything, just left it and snuck out (kind of creepy) so I'm assuming she's still miffed at me for taking over the llama rescue. Even so, she's still giving hair-brained advice (see previous blogs). As she notes urgently in red pen, high levels of copper are indeed toxic to llamas (and sheep). Unfortunately, according to the manufacturer's own website, Sweet 16, the very stuff Grace left for me, has "high levels of copper, and should not be fed to sheep."

This only goes to show you that you can't trust anybody. If you were to meet "Skyla"/Grace on the street, you would think she's a sweet, religious older lady, very well-meaning, and you might be tempted to take her advice. Well, the next time anyone gives you advice, regardless of their appearance, intentions or credentials, don't dismiss it-- but don't act on it until you've researched it yourself.

That warning applies to me, too. I wouldn't be writing this blog if I weren't doing my absolute best to fact-check everything I say-- but I'm only human. I can goof up, I have prejudices, and things might work for me that won't work for you, or vice-versa. The same thing applies to any blogger, trainer, breeder or "expert." Listen, learn, read, then do the research yourself.


The llama isn't going to be eating any of that Sweet 16. Oh, and his name is now "Nash," after the famous American Poet, Ogden Nash, who wrote:

"A one L lama is a priest
A two L llama is a beast
And I would bet a silk pajama
There's no such thing as a three L llama."

Yeah, he was kind of a silly guy.

Nash the llama is doing fine. A little too well at the moment actually.
Now that he's warmer, eating a ton, drinking as much as he wants and over the initial stress of the move, he's more energetic. He's threatening to spit a lot more often, insisting that he does not want to be petted for more than thirty seconds. I have to put a big wide collar on him in order to make him stand still while I'm visiting. However, he now knows what feed is, and after a moment's hesitation will chow down straight out of my hand.

That's "lama" as in the Dalai Lama. 

Just like an un-handled horse, he's figuring out how to get a human to A) feed him delicious things and B) leave him alone the rest of the time. I'm on to him though-- even if I get spat upon, he's going to learn to stand still and get petted, dammit. With the exception of nipping (llamas don't, 'cause they only have bottom teeth) his aggression signals are almost the same as a horse's, so I can tell him "NO!" when he pins his ears at me, and reward him when he relaxes. Our best petting session so far lasted 15 minutes, with a couple of minor escape attempts. That's major progress for a critter that was totally isolated only a week ago. I'm a little worried though-- Nash tends to pace continually whenever I'm in the barn and not holding him or feeding him. He does it in front of the barn gate, sometimes sticking his head under or through the bars.

At first I thought he was just really excited about wanting to see the horses, but I hope I'm not causing him to do this out of stress. My llama farmer contact had no advice, other than to give him time to settle in.

Oh, and my horses hate Nash. Mr. Strut avoids the yard as much as possible, only sneaking in to eat breakfast and dinner as far away as possible from the llama. He's even abandoned his favorite lounge spot. Annie isn't scared, she's jealous. I don't normally like to attribute complex human emotions to animals, but there's no mistaking this. She body-blocks me if she sees me heading towards the llama. She has begun to poop right next to his gate and nowhere else in the yard, as if to say, "Shit on you buddy." When I'm feeding Nash, even if she already has her own food, she sticks her head over the gate and trying to bite if he comes too close. Poor Nash! He didn't ask for any of this.

Arabians: Conformation, Craziness and Love

Arabian horses have a certain something. The high tail carriage, the delicate yet noble head, the refined body-- these features combine to make the breed instantly recognizable. Oh yeah, and of course they almost always have "interesting" personalities.

Arabians are often described by their fans and owners as "intelligent," "strong-willed," "spirited,"  and "energetic." Every Arabian I've ever met can be described as... "reactive." Or maybe, "bat-shit crazy." I gave the breed a pretty good shot, and I don't think they're necessarily bad horses. They're just... wound a little tighter than other horses.

Despite my dislike of the breed, however, I continue to fantasize about them. There's that certain something, and they're gorgeous- plus, Arabians are easily one of the best available breeds for endurance, the sport I adore. That's why it's especially disappointing to see Arabians like the one below.

 

According to this guy's Craigslist ad, he's a "striking" Arabian gelding that's "correctly built." Well, they got the first part right. He's striking for sure-- downhill, camped out, upright rear pasterns... the only thing nice about him is his shoulder. The picture is fairly poor quality, so it's hard to tell, but those front cannons look rather iffy as well. He's broke to ride, but apparently has no show record or other achievements to his name. How much is the owner asking? $3,500. Why? I dunno.

Basic Literacy: Your Horse is Smarter Than You Are

Horses aren't the smartest animals on earth. Many times, however, they're smarter than their owners. Here's one great example:

click the picture to enlarge

The Highlights:

"This colt is a well builded and very smart boy." Awesome. When I was three, I builded a sand castle all by myself.

"He should be around 15hhs when done growning." Making noises certainly makes me grow, too. Or at least, I do a lot more groaning now that I'm an adult.

"He is bred..."  Amazing! The first male horse ever to get pregnant!

"He is up with his shots."   Is that like being high on drugs? Or is that like being "up" on the latest news? Is he well-informed about his shots?

This looks like a fairly nice colt. I'm really sorry that his owner's IQ is the same as his is. I hope he gets a new home soon-- but unfortunately, with no information about his price, age, training, registration or breed (it's actually QH) I'm not sure that's going to happen.

Seriously, people-- if you want someone to buy something from you, put a bit of effort into your ad.

Crappy Craigslist Circus: Horses, Rocks and Crazy People

Today I bring to you, ladies and gentleman, the Craigslist Horror Circus, filled with the awful dregs of Craigslist! Most are horse-related, but I couldn't help but include a couple of hilarious or horrifying non-horsey ads. Click on any of the pictures to make the ad bigger. Let the circus begin!

The Amazingly Selfish Lady!

See her unbelievable self-indulgence!

See her incredible acts of not giving a damn!

This lovely young lady is selling her sweet, broke, twenty-five year old horse for the low-low slaughter price of $300-- because she needs cash now for a "study abroad" trip. My favorite parts:

•  Needs to get rid of the old girl 'cause she got a new one -- in with the new, throw away the old.
• "She needs to have her teeth floated but I decided to let the buyer do it." Very responsible.
• Her only concern about the mare's new home is that the new owner pick her up SOON!
• "She has registration papers but I have never sent them in." 
• This chick needs cash quick, but can obviously afford the Android phone she posted this ad from, is planning a trip studying overseas and of course bought the new horse.

This nice old mare that deserves euthanasia or retirement is going to wind up on a slaughter truck to Canada, because this selfish bitch "needs money" NOW for her own luxuries.

Ultra Creepy Hoarder Dude!

Androgynous name, mysterious motives!

Next, ladies and gentleman, we have a scary situation with a guy named "Kelly" who is apparently collecting animals, despite having no means to take care of them, and apparently no intention of ever doing so:

...and here we have another warning about Kelly, this time from the Milwaukee area:

If you were ever thinking about putting animals on Craigslist for cheap or free, this kind of situation should be a lesson to you: creepy people will say ANYTHING to get their hands on cheap or free animals. Sometimes they're well-intentioned but irresponsible people who simply forget to feed Fluffy (for three weeks)-- other times, they're truly psychopathic. Just check out this guy, who promised to give great homes to cats and kittens on Craigslist, then tortured them to death. This happens more often than you would think. (Click each link for yet another horror story.) PLEASE at least actually check out the home and owner that your animal will be going to. Vet references, Google their name, check your state's circuit court records (publicly accessible!), show up at their home. Don't be lazy.

Now that you're all sad and horrified, how about a moment of amusement?

Stupendously Exciting ROCK for sale! Only $975!

Yes. A rock. Weighing about 3 tons. Why is it worth $975? Because it's, um, heavy! And vaguely shaped like Wisconsin! Boy oh boy, I bet you just can't WAIT to bring it home. I'm not sure how you would bring home a three ton rock as large as a pickup truck...

Mystery Filly!

Totally mysterious!

Mystic!

Her age is unknown, her training is unknown, her health is unknown, her height is unknown, her breed is unknown! We don't even know her name! Oooo, mysterious!! We are tantalized by her color, and four not-so-good pictures! I bet people will be lining up to buy this totally mystic filly!

...and for our grand finale, ladies and gentleman we present to you, a classic tale of tragedy, betrayal and rage: the famous Craigslist rant of an animal control officer who finally snapped! Here are his stories of stupid people and their poor animals!

"Bite My Butt"

I'm sick of all the abuse

Animal control? We need people control!

I quit and I hope your off-leash pet gets pancaked

Click Here

"Horse For Sale: No Tire-Kickers!"

I'm seeing a lot of horse-for-sale Craigslist ads lately that scream, "No tire-kickers!" I thought this was weird to see in a horse ad. I imagine a really sleazy used car salesman screaming this at people.

"You want the mileage? I'll give you mileage. Get the hell outta here!"

A tire-kicker is apparently someone who isn't really interested in buying whatever you're selling. They show up, ask a ton of questions, maybe take a test drive (ride) but never make an offer.

I understand how that can be frustrating. No one wants to waste their time. I've posted a solution below*. However, I have three objections to seeing this statement in an ad.

1) How do you know the difference between a "tire kicker" and someone who is truly trying to find the best horse to suit their needs? Personally, when I buy a horse I ask roughly 72,000 questions and try to spend as much time as possible with the animal. Buying a horse is only slightly less life-changing than adoption-- and as expensive. If the animal turns out to be a bad fit, you are going to be the one responsible for re-selling it to a good home, re-training it or continuing to board and feed your mistake. Hasty decisions are not a good idea. If you the seller are trying to push a horse on a buyer without having a fair idea of whether they will be a good match, you are irresponsible-- the horse or owner could wind up injured.

"Kids? I'm sure Sugar would be great with 'em. Ground manners? She's ok. Take her home!"

2) As a person selling something, isn't it sort of your job to answer questions and let people look at your stuff? Are you really expecting someone to show up and immediately say, "Oh yeah, that one looks pretty, we'll take it!"

3) Even if your "buyer" is an actual idiot when it comes to horses, isn't it worth a few minutes of your time to try to educate them a little, in the hopes that they will be less likely to harm themselves or a horse in the future? I once sold a young, hot, half-Arabian gelding. In my ad, I specifically mentioned that he was hot, spooky and not a horse for children. One caller was a father of two girls, aged 11 and 12, who was looking to buy his first horse ever-- for the whole family to ride. He liked mine a lot. He wanted to know what a "Coggins" was. I spent twenty minutes on the phone with him explaining some basic facts of the equine world, and directing him towards a local horse rescue that I knew wouldn't try to screw him. At worst, I wasted a whole twenty minutes of my time. At best, I may have saved Dad or his young daughters from a nasty fall, and a horse (mine or another) from a potentially bad situation. Totally worth it.


P.S.: This blog post was inspired by an idiotic Craigslist ad you can read here. The seller spends 99% of the ad whining about how she can't fathom why no one wants her horses. "No tire-kickers!" she screams. She then gives precisely zero details about the horses besides price, height and age, saying, "I'm sure you have seen their previous ads so not going to bore you with details- email with any questions." Um, what?! I managed to track down her other ads here. If you want to spend $1,800 on an average (admittedly calm) Appaloosa mare whose only skill is trail riding, please let me know-- I can find you two horses of the same quality for half the price!

LOL look- she "walks through water!" Totally worth $1,800.

*The Solution to Time-Wasters:

I've heard of, but never experienced, horse "buyers" who just want to come out, pet a horse and ride it for free. The solution to this is simple; explain that because you want to ensure that both horse and buyer are a good fit for each other, you have a "two visit minimum." The buyer needs to visit the horse on two different days before purchase, and test-rides only happen on the second visit. Use words like, "safety," "don't want you to rush," "give you time to think," "really get to know the horse" etc. Not only is that responsibly ensuring that horse and buyer will be a good fit, it discourages time-wasters who just want a free ride on their first visit.

Neglected Horses in Texas: Drought & Famine

The drought in Texas has continued unabated for months and months. Lakes have disappeared, pastures have turned into deserts and hay fields have shriveled into weedy dirt lots. The result is soaring hay prices, abandoned horses and overworked horse rescue organizations.

Here's just one article about the problem: Yahoo News: Texas Drought Leaves Heartbreaking Toll of Abandoned Horses

...and here's one very competent, very well-run Texas horse rescue trying to cope with dozens of unwanted horses, to the point that they can't take in any more: Bluebonnet Equine Humane Society
They have dozens upon dozens of really nice horses desperate for homes, and the organization has waived or lowered adoption fees on many of them. I myself am desperately in love with some of their donkeys (but the hubby has vetoed adoption of any pets of the long-eared variety).

"Jack Sparrow," a super cute donkey available for just $200.

The drought is so severe, it's the worst Texas has experienced in its history, at least since records started being kept in 1895. With all the water drying up, weird things are being found all over the state, including previously submerged slave cemeteries, ancient Indian remains, drowning victims and even missing pieces from the doomed space shuttle Columbia, which disintegrated over hundreds of miles of land in 2003. The NYTimes has a great article here.

The most heartbreaking and interesting news piece I've run across is a photoblog on the disaster done by Collective Vision here.

 

The animals in Texas are obviously suffering, and if you have any spare change, I urge you to donated it to Bluebonnet or any other horse rescue organization in Texas.

One question: why aren't there more free horses in Texas Craigslist ads? Admittedly I only browsed briefly, but there are far fewer free horses there than this level of tragedy would seem to create. Sure, there are cheap horses, and a few free companion-only horses, but no more than in Wisconsin. Do Texas people simply not use Craigslist as much? Are ranchers there just sending horses to slaughter instead? Is there a stubborn feeling among ranchers that there's just no way they'll give horses away for free? If you know, please tell us.

Ridiculous Fantasies: Expensive Registered Yearling Horses

I just don't get it.

Breeders are STILL churning out unremarkable horses and expecting people to pay top dollar for them. Check out the filly below (click the Craigslist ad to enlarge it). She's got long, weak pasterns, she's camped out behind, over at the knee and downhill. Her butt-high conformation might resolve itself with time and growth, but the rest of her issues won't. Speaking of time and growth, it's going to take three more years of vet bills, feeding, ground work and boarding costs before this filly can even go to training to be broke out. 

 

And how much is the breeder asking?

Five THOUSAND dollars!

FIVE thousand dollars!

FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS!

Why?! Because she's registered and sort of peachy-colored?

Check this out:

A registered paint horse, already very well broke and an experienced show horse, great manners-- for a fraction of the cost. At 17 he might have a touch of arthritis, but compared to the costs and risks of raising and training a youngster for three years, a little money for supplements is very well worth it. There's no picture here, so we can't judge the gelding's conformation-- but if he's still sound enough to ride after all those trail rides, he can't be any worse than the filly above!

 Some people seem to believe that raising a young horse "their way" is preferable. I think that's only true for a very few people-- those that have the time and experience to do so, and some very specific preferences. I'm thinking about higher-level show competitors mostly, the kind of folks that really want a very young horse to lope just right and are prepared to spend hours in the arena getting there. Most of us aren't at that level, and may not care to be. Most of us also really don't care whether our horse responds to a cluck or a kiss, or turns to face you or not after halting on the lunge. If we do, we can usually re-train a horse out of those minor habits-- the main thing is, it's broke!

Two-year-old Western Futurity Horses: Broke, Slow, Low & Unhappy

I think it may be true that there's a little extra bond between a horse and owner when that horse is raised by its owner-- but not always. You can't guarantee that you'll "click" with any horse, whether it's your hand-raised bottle-fed foal or an older auction pen bargain.

In short, I can't think of a good reason to buy a very young horse, unless you're a professional with a very specific purpose in mind-- or you're a sucker for a cute face at an auction :)

Where Free Horses Go

Remember that free paint mare I blogged about a few days ago? I'm still pretty angry about her owner dumping her on Craigslist-- and today I felt just a little more despair when I saw the ad below.

You see, horses given away for free don't always wind up in the hands of a kill-buyer (and then at a slaughter house).

Sometimes, they end up going home with a person like this:

(Click to enlarge)

I don't want to come across as a snob here-- but do you think that maybe, just maybe, a person who types in ALL CAPS, can't spell and doesn't have "allot of money" might not provide the best home for a horse?

Can you imagine a person like this ever paying for a vet call?

Would this person even know when it would be appropriate to call a vet, considering their knowledge of horse health problems seems to consist of "bad legs and feet?"

Maybe I'm being a little over-critical of this person. I'm sure that they have the best intentions. They even said "please." However, anyone who owns a horse knows that they cost a ton of money to keep-- and if you don't even have the cash to purchase one of the "ride able" $500 horses on the market right now, how can you even afford to pay for winter hay?


Giving your horse away for free is a bad idea.


There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and some free horses do find good homes:

(He always looks this worried.)

This is Mr. Strut.

Mr. Strut was dumped for free on Craigslist a couple of years ago. My father brought him home. He's a registered, purebred Tennessee Walker, broke to ride and a true gentleman-- he even came with his papers.

The lady who gave him away, whom we shall call Bunny, just didn't want to take care of him anymore. Mr. Strut has arthritis, is prone to founder, and while he has excellent ground manners, he's not very cuddly or personable. Bunny was getting older and didn't want to deal with his issues.

I don't want to give you the wrong impression-- Bunny was a nice lady. Mr. Strut was in good health when he came to us, and she even sent along the last of his feed, his supplements and his vet records. She was worried enough about Mr. Strut to grill my dad a little on his future home. However, Bunny didn't bother to ask my father for vet references, or visit our farm. Bunny just led Mr. Strut into dad's trailer and watched them drive away. She did eventually visit-- months later.

Had we been unscrupulous people, we could have sold Mr. Strut to a horse dealer or kill-buyer that same day for at least $100-- a nice profit for the easy work of one local trailer trip. Bunny would never have wanted that, but as well-intentioned as she was, she didn't make sure we weren't "bad guys" either.

The fact that we are, in fact, "good guys" doesn't excuse her.

Good guys like us are hard to find, at least when it comes to finding a home for a free horse. We really do understand the true cost of keeping a horse, and so we're not usually eager to take on another one-- especially one with special needs. We're also pretty scrupulous about making sure our horses get handled, so we don't take on more than we have time for-- and for most of us working folks, two is about the maximum. We good guys are careful-- and so good guys are rarely the ones who want a free horse.

Even those of us that don't mind taking on special needs horses are pretty much at capacity-- because of years of the bad economy and terrible horse market, we've already got most of the unwanted horses we are capable of supporting.

Mr. Strut won the horse lottery. He's now pretty much retired, acting as a buddy for Annie and (when he's sound) an occasional trail mount for up to a whole mile of riding. He's getting downright spoiled. But so many other horses don't win the lottery. They end up with nasty people, or well-intentioned idiots with no experience and no money for feed, or in the hands of a horse dealer or kill-buyer.

Giving your horse away for free is a bad idea.

- Selling your horse would ensure a better home-- at least your know that the new owner has some money to spend on a horse's care. 
- Euthanasia might be better, especially for older horses or horses with medical conditions.  
- Surrendering to a horse rescue is a better idea-- if you can find one that has room. 

If you have no other option than to give your horse away for free, ask for references, visit the new home, Google the new owner's name, check their criminal history, make SURE the horse is going home with "good guys."