Now that the rescued llama is home safe, it's time for this blog to return to its origins: everything horsey. Oh wait, not quite-- today we're also going to make a side trip into human and pony disabilities, and why they should be accurately portrayed in cartoons, dammit. We're going to plumb the very depths of the internet, so stick with me here folks.
Since its fairly rare, and doesn't directly affect the humans who write the medical research checks, we don't know a ton about it. We believe that, like Contracted Foal Syndrome, it's caused when a foal is poorly positioned in the womb and the delicate, growing bones and tendons essentially get squished. We're still trying to figure out if it's at least partially caused by poor genes. (By the way, this is yet another reason that breeding horses is not all rainbows and butterflies, and should be attempted only if you're prepared for possible outcomes like this.)
Anyway, back in 2010 a little girl in the UK named Maddison Biddlecombe started an internet campaign to raise dental surgery money for her foal born with severe wry nose syndrome:
Most of the internet reacted like this: "OMG it's totally adorable!" Maddison herself said:
"Diego is my best friend and I don't care what he looks like, to me his face makes him special. He's so lovely. We have a lot of fun playing games and he likes to chase me around the field. I love him lots and he gives me kisses and cuddles. People shouldn't say he should be put down because of what he looks like, it doesn't matter to me."
Everyone agreed this was a wonderful example of tolerance and acceptance, love and sunshine, etc.
Okay, now hold that thought. We're about to jump around here, but I promise, it will all make sense.
Fast forward to 2011/2012. The new "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" cartoon is launched. The show became a huge hit and generated a rabid cult following, mostly comprised of 20-something guys and chicks (I'm one). These adult fans formed websites like My Little Brony (for brothers, or "bros" who love ponies) filled with fan-fic, pictures, memes and inside jokes. Unlike other internet cultists, bronies and pegasisters formed a community that was surprisingly tolerant, friendly and even loving. It seems that we're all just searching for the tenderness of our lost childhoods, or something.
Anyway, in the very first episode of the new My Little Pony, a mistake led to one pony being drawn with mis-matched eyes. Fans immediately dubbed the pony "Derpy," after silly-faced pictures from another internet meme, and created an entire backstory for her, including a career as a postal worker and a love of muffins.
Then, a wonderful thing happened. Lauren Faust and Hasbro, creators and producers of the show, started to pay attention to their adult fans and to include references to fan-generated jokes in the cartoon. Since Derpy was so beloved, they gave her a cameo in every episode, keeping her crossed eyes. It became sort of a "Where's Waldo" Easter egg. Eventually, they even gave her a brief speaking part* and used the name Derpy!
Fans went crazy. They showered the episode with praise, and hugged each other with joy. Then, because no good thing can remain un-shat-upon, a group of people started a campaign to delete Derpy. They claimed that Derpy made fun of disabled people, and including her in the show was tantamount to celebrating the stereotyping of the mentally challenged.
The Brony community responded by claiming that "derp" simply meant a silly/clumsy expression/action, and that we all "derp" at some point-- it has nothing to do with any mental or physical disability.
I'm not sure that this explanation is entirely true. Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary both define "derp" as a mocking response to an unintelligent comment. Urban Dictionary's fourth definition also states, "The word that describes a particularly retarded face: A retarded smile, and the eyes pointing in different directions." Finally, the Know Your Meme website says that, "Derp is an expression associated with stupidity, much like the earlier forms of “duh” and “dur.”
I think it's fairly reasonable to assume that "derp" has connotations of mental or physical disability.
But wait just a darn minute. Derpy the pony is absolutely a silly klutz who's been portrayed as making some unintelligent mistakes-- but the Brony community isn't mocking her with meanness. Instead, they love her for her goofiness and odd appearance. They love her for her derpy-ness! Why is this a bad thing? Why shouldn't we have cartoons where mentally challenged people (or ponies) are pictured and accepted right along side everyone else, complete with their unique traits?
These real disabilities are celebrated, accepted and cooed over. "How special and brave!"
This one is apparently discriminatory?
Are we only allowed to portray cartoon disabled people as completely-normal-except-for-token-gestures? What I mean is, on the very rare occasions that cartoon characters with disabilities are included in a show, they're almost totally the same as everyone else-- except that they happen to have a leg brace, or a mild speech impediment. They are never main characters, and their disability never affects their daily lives, or the lives of others. Hardly truthful, or groundbreaking. What's the point then? How are we going to get kids to be more tolerant of disabled people if we don't include them as some of them really are in cartoons? If I ever have a kid, when that kid goes to school and encounters a little girl who's slow in her speech and often makes mistakes, I don't want my kid to view her as totally strange and unknown, a "stupid" person to work around. I want my kid to think, "Wow, that girl is just like Derpy! I love Derpy! Derpy does some silly things-- but she is a worthwhile pony/person."
*Just to clarify: yes, in the cartoon clip above, Rainbowdash is a little rude to Derpy, but trust me, Rainbowdash is a little rude to everypony in the show. She's not just bullying Derpy because of Derpy's derpy-ness. So there.
Of course, I'm a HUGE fan of the new My Little Pony show. It's cleverly written, beautifully animated, and some of the songs are really great. It's such a good show, in fact, that its biggest fans are college-age males (and of course 20-30-female-somethings like me who grew up obsessed with MLP). In turn, that fan base is so rabidly excited about the new MLP, the internet memes they spawned have started showing up in mainstream media. If you haven't seen it, give it a try!
Of course, my favorite pony is Applejack, the down-home country girl with the can-do attitude. She's also a palomino, like Annie! Speaking of which, if you feel the compulsion to pony-ize your own equine, you can use General Zoi's Pony Creator and make all your dreams come true! This is Annie and Mr. Strut, My Little Pony style:
Her "cutie mark" (butt symbol) is a white rose, symbolizing innocence and happy love (and of course my last name). It wasn't possible to get her markings exactly correct, the settings wouldn't let me inflate her head to appropriate size, and I couldn't resist adding jewelry...but yeah, I think this is pretty accurate :)
This is Mr. Strut-- he's either grumpy, sad, or annoyed (it's always hard to tell). His symbol is the Confederate flag, appropriate for an old-school southern gentleman like himself...and possibly because he's a bit racist. I can totally see him yelling at people. Bad Mr. Strut. He's shorter than Annie, with more delicate ears. In real life, his mane and tail really do have streaks of silver.
This is me as a pony. I think I've captured my uncoordinated enthusiasm well. I stuck to earthy colors; blue, green, yellow-brown-- but I made them a bit brighter. My cutie mark is the symbol for geocaching, and is also a symbolic representation of the initials for my alter-ego, The Green Traveler.
...and this is Mike! He's fairly hairless in real life, and always a snappy dresser. Also, he's a little sinister, way buff and has a great butt.
I'm a sap. I love horse movies. I even love movies that are not about horses, but have lots of horses in them. That includes the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, Kevin Costner's hated "Postman," the super sad "Dances with Wolves" and others. I grew up watching "My Little Pony" cartoons. I could probably name every Disney horse ever drawn. However, any time I watch one one of these horse-filled flicks, I can't help but be horrified at the downright wrong things portrayed as "true horse facts." Here's a list of the worst horse myths in the media:
MYTH 1)Ponies Are Great for Kids. From the My Little Pony franchise to "Misty of Chincoteague," ponies have long been marketed as perfect pals for children. They're cute, they're tiny but can be ridden, and they eat less, all appealing traits. Small equine + small person = perfect match, right?
Wrong.
Ponies don't make good mounts for kids any more than Tasmanian devils make good house pets. Just because something is small and fluffy doesn't mean it won't chew your face off.
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm sure there are a few well-behaved ponies out there. However, every single one I've met was an evil, power-hungry, biting bastard. There's three reasons why ponies tend to be horrible monsters:
1. Ponies can't be ridden by adults. True ponies are just too small. There are ways of exercising and training ponies that don't involve riding (kind of), but the point is, ponies don't actually get ridden by competent adults-- so they're never quite as well-trained as they should be.
2. Ponies aren't bred for children. Somewhat like dogs, horses have undergone thousands of years of selective breeding in order to refine them into trainable, specialized, hard-working companions. Ponies, on the other hand, have remained basically the same since the dawn of time. Only in the last two hundred years or so have we really bred ponies as companions-- and we tend to breed them for size and color, not niceness. As a result, the average pony has the instincts and temperament of a maddened wildebeest.
3. All ponies have a Napoleonic Complex. (They're small, so they have to prove they're just as tough as anything else.) Combine that trait with the aforementioned wild survival instincts, and you've got a beast that will bully huge draft horses, chew through fences, hog all the hay and bite anyone that gets close. My first pony was named "Sharkie," due to her habit of circling around and around, biting anyone that came within her kill zone.
The moral of the story is that children should ride well-trained older horses or small horses, not ponies. (Yes, there's a difference between small horses and ponies. Let's not get into that right now.) Unless, of course, you want them to be traumatized. I know of a few kids who deserve that.
Ponies: Evil like Cthulu
Horse Movie That Got It Right: None as far as I know. The pony conspiracy is widespread.
MYTH 2) Horses make noise constantly. Movie-makers like to portray horses as creatures who whinny, snort, neigh, grunt and even scream on a regular basis-- in fact, every time they interact with a human or another horse. Cavalry charge? Horses whinny and neigh constantly, even while running. Human friend appears? Horse snorts and whinnies. Horse fights people/other horse/predator? Lots of screaming and grunting. Hollywood can't stand a silent character.
In reality, horses don't make much noise. They do call to each other, but mostly to new horses or departing/returning friends. They will also call out when food is arriving, rather like a toddler that yells when it sees cookies. However, horses will rarely "speak" to each other when they're together. The reason? Horses do most of their communication with body language. They're prey animals, so they have no need to vocalize to cooperate over distances (like a hunting wolf pack) and don't make noise that draws the attention of predators (like a hunting wolf pack).
If a horse pins its ears back at you, or starts leaving you nasty Facebook comments, watch out.
Here's a great example of a real horse fight that takes place in near silence. Hollywood, of course, would consider this unimpressive, and edit in lots of horsey screaming:
Horse Movie That Got it Right: The beloved 2002 DreamWorks movie, "Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmarron." This is one of the only animated movies starring a silent animal character. Sure, Matt Damon does a voice-over for Spirit's most important thoughts, but Spirit himself never speaks-- and most of his communication in the movie is done via movement/body language.
Translation: "Your face looks stupid."
MYTH 3) Horses are basically large, rideable dogs. Pixar's "Bullseye" from the Toy Story movies is a perfect example. Disney, however, is the biggest promoter of this dangerous idea. In Disney movies, the only difference between dogs and horses is that the horses are bigger-- and therefore more capable of inflicting comedic damage:
From The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Phoebus says, "Achiles, sit!"
Unfortunately, horses are closer in behavior to oversize, schizophrenic deer. As high-strung prey animals, their first instinct is to run from danger-- and "danger" means anything that looks even remotely weird. Horses are known to shy away from shadows, mailboxes, plastic bags and their own tails. A few horses become so well trained that they are capable of acting as riot police mounts or parade animals, but the average horse is hardly likely to put up with the kind of crap Disney says they will: fighting duels (Hunchback), sliding down mountains (Mulan), boarding lifeboats (Road to El Dorado), sniffing out and retrieving bad guys (Tangled) etc. This isn't such a big problem; no one really wants to try these things with horses. The bigger problem is trust.
Thanks to Disney and cartoons like "Horseland," little girls get their first horse or pony and immediately assume the animal won't hurt them, and can be convinced to do anything with enough petting and kind words. Horses, however, are not dogs. They don't feel the need to cuddle, cooperate with, or befriend humans like dogs do. They're trainable, but biologically, they're just not very friendly or loyal. Unlike wolves and dogs, horses haven't needed to evolve the ability to cooperate with each other on stuff-- like hunting. Horses don't mate for life, and while they do have preferred "buddies," since their main method of survival is running the hell away from danger, friendships go only as far as the next cougar attack. Too slow my friend? Too bad. Finally, horses don't really express much affection physically; while they'll groom each other, there's no cuddling up in a den or sharing a nice dead deer together. All of this means that while tamed horses are willing to suck up to you for treats and scratches, they pretty much don't give a crap whether you live or die.
Please keep in mind that I do love my horse, and I believe she has some affection for me in return; it's just that I hold no illusions about horses. They are wonderful animals. Most of them will work hard for you, and some will perform amazing acts of heroism, but at heart they are what God made them: prey animals. To try to re-make them into human-like creatures (or even dog-like creatures) is at best wishful thinking, and at worst, dangerous folly.
Throughout history, horses have habitually bucked off, kicked and run away from their riders whenever they felt threatened or overly energetic. Those trusting little girls find this out soon after getting their first concussions.
"Awww, your first CAT scan! This is going in the scrapbook."
Horse Movie That Got it Right: Seabiscuit. In his movie, the famous horse takes on jockeys, grooms and owners with rage, doing everything from kicking on stall doors to biting and rearing. True, there's plenty of pity-him pathos to explain away Seabiscuit's violence (the narrator tells us that Seabiscuit was mistreated in his youth) but at least we get to see that horse behavior isn't all nuzzles and nickers. We also see the jockey "Red" Pollard getting seriously injured by a spooked racehorse.
MYTH 4) Wild horses live wonderful, free, happy lives. It's a uniquely American image: the beautiful mustang, galloping powerfully across the range. We associate wild horses with a mystical sense of wilderness, space, majesty and freedom. The truth, however, is less pretty.
Mustangs live in the most rugged, unwanted country in the USA-- there's not much grass, and often little water. Temperatures in these mountainous and desert lands range from forty degrees below zero to one hundred and ten in the shade. Mustangs frequently die from thirst, starvation, cold and untreated medical conditions. They are preyed upon by mountain lions and wolves. Stallions may fight to the death over mares, and mares in too-small bands often become pregnant before they're mature. And that's before the humans get involved.
Out west, even the worst pastureland is treasured by cattle ranchers, many of whom resent mustangs. Ranchers have been known to poison mustangs, shoot them and drive them over cliffs to free up precious water and grazing for their cattle. In order to try to maintain a balance, the Federal Bureau of Land Management attempts to keep horses within certain ranges (usually the least desireable lands) and often rounds them up by helicopter. Once captured, the exhausted and traumatized horses are destined for auctions. A few are sterilized and re-released. You can even bid for one on the BLM's website here. They usually sell for less than $200.
Mustang Black Stallion: Sold at the BLM facility in Hines, OR for just $250, complete with gaping neck wound!
Horse Movie That Got it Right: Hidalgo. The movie is based on a fraudulent story created by Frank Hopkins, an "endurance rider" that spent more time telling lies for his own financial gain than riding horses. However, the movie does bring to light the plight of unwanted Mustangs in the American west.
MYTH 5) In the Good Old Days... well-bred, shiny horses got to pull nice carriages. Movies showing any time period before 1920 generally have at least one picturesque scene where a well-groomed draft horse from a gleaming stable pulls a shiny carriage down a cobblestone street (or a shady country lane).
In reality, horsepower was used for absolutely everything-- not just pretty passenger vehicles. Fire-fighting wagons and hose carts, river barges, garbage wagons, milk wagons, mail trucks, lawn mowers, cranes, even snow plows. Horses had to do every shitty, hard job that vehicles and machinery do today-- and many were treated as machines instead of living animals. Many were bred without much regard to conformation or temperament, since they were pretty much disposable. Probably two of the worst equine jobs belonged to coal mine ponies and treadmill horses:
"Pit ponies" worked underground in mines almost their entire lives, rarely or never seeing grass or daylight. They performed backbreaking work in dangerous, coal-dust-filled conditions.
Treadmill horses powered machinery in factories. They faced a life of heavy indoor work, constantly pulling "uphill" without rest.
Horse Movie That Got it Right: Black Beauty. Although none of the movie versions of Anna Sewell's famous book portray all of the factual cruelty she exposed, they give a better representation of the life of the average historical horse than many movies.
